December 14th, 2006

Self Mock

I didn't know that a diaphram used as sex protection, and the diaphram used in singing were different until last year (Senior Year of HS). I remember someone talking about holding in a diaphram during sex. Me thinking it's the soft triangle between your rib cages didn't understand how that was suppose to prevent pregnancy. Finally someone explained it too me; to think one day I might have actually held in my diaphram if I couldn't find condoms.
Dial Home

Why do people ask these things?

I was in Wal Mart the other day with my 14 month old daughter getting her Christmas pictures done. A woman came up to us and said "Oh how cute! Is she a girl?"

Edit for clarification: She was getting her Christmas pictures done in a black dress with bows on it, mary janes and a hat with a bow on it.

Two Mocks...


I am deaf and my daughter, A, age 15, is frequently my interpreter when we are out in public. A few weeks ago, she and I were in the local shopping mall so we could do some Christmas shopping without my husband or younger kids around. We got a little separated in one store and she was apparently waving to get my attention, but I didn't see her. Well, the helpful cashier, a young woman of about nineteen or so, decided that she was going to help A by not only yelling "Sir! I think your daughter wants you!", but also CLAPPING at me as though I were a dog- multiple times! Yes! Perhaps I will hear YOUR yelling, but not my daughter's! And, just maybe, I might come running over to you just because that's how people respond to claps, right!?

Wait, it gets better!

A: "He's deaf! Yelling isn't going to get his attention!"

Cashier Lady: "Yeah, but that doesn't mean he has to ignore me!"

A: "Um...he can't hear you..."

CL: "That's no excuse for being rude to us!"

[fwiw- I was looking at book and facing the other direction and didn't actually see any of this going on]

At this point, A swiftly walked over to me, grabbed me by the arm, pulled me out of the store, and proceeded to tell me what had just happened. I was quite proud of her for handling things the way she did.


When A moved to a new school a few years ago, the following conversation took place between her and one of her teachers:

Teacher: "So, tell us a little bit about yourself, A."

A: "[insert whatever it was she talked about here]...and one of my fathers is deaf."

Teacher: "Oh! So he can read braille?


Oh, the stupid.

My brother currently works at Starbucks, and as a former Starbucks employee myself, we always love sharing stories of the stupid we've encountered in our time there. My brother had this little gem a while back...
A woman was browsing the store, checking out all of the travel mugs that Starbucks had available. These are the big insulated plastic kind that have the removable lid with the hole in it, so you can pour in your beverage and then drink it. She picked one out and brought it up to my brother at the counter, and asked,
"Do you have these available in a left handed style?"
He just looked at her and said "" to which she asked "well, how do I make this one so I can drink it with my left hand?"
He just took the mug from her, removed the lid, and turned it around so the drinking hole was facing the other way, which seemed to satisfy her because she bought it.

Another incident I encountered at work came not from a customer, but from the radio station we had on. A local station was working with a women's clinic to give free pap smears to anyone that came to the clinic that day, to give people a chance that can't normally afford doctor's visits an opportunity to have an exam. After going to a commercial break, the announcer came back and said "err, we would just like to remind everyone that these pap smears are for WOMEN ONLY. We just had to turn a man away who showed up here at the clinic asking for his free pap smear, and had to inform him that he doesn't have a cervix."
I am a queen

(no subject)

I just remembered some incidents from my past that I find mock-worthy, and yes, there will probably be more, and more recent ones, popping up in my head every now and then. But yeah, on to the Collapse )

Oh, and I apologise in advance if I messed up the lj-cut ^^; I'm kinda new to it, so please excuse me if that happened.
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    tired tired

(no subject)

I remembered something that happened during middle school-- and it's been quite a few years since that time and I still remember it and grin over the .. um... interesting comment.

I used to live on the coast, and nearby were 'outer islands'. We were discussing the history of the area in one of my classes and the teacher mentioned that "before the bridge was built, people used to go from the mainland to the outer island by ferry."  A girl in my class spoke up with the gem of  "but that bridge has ALWAYS been there!"

Yes, it's a natural land formation made out of concrete and steel. XD
here it is

And this was a teacher???

One of our sixth grade teachers just brought back a VCR without its cord attached.

Teacher: "I can't get this VCR to play the movie with sound. Can you test it?"
Me: "Yes, but I need the cord that runs from the VCR to the TV."
Teacher: "That's still attached to my TV."
Me: "Great, but I can't test the VCR until you bring me the cord."
Teacher: "If I give you the cord, I won't have cable reception."
Me: *sigh* "No, I don't want your cable cord. That one should be hooked from your TV to the wall. I need the VCR cord, which is probably hanging loose from your TV right now."
Teacher: *nodding* "It is hanging off the TV."
Me: "Well, just unhook it and bring it to me."
Teacher: "But it works as the antenna, right? If I take it off, the picture will go fuzzy."

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    annoyed annoyed
too drunk to drive


The following appears on my busking* permit:

Special Conditions:
Do not block trams, ...

So I thought they meant tram stops, but no, tram stops are listed separately.

For those of you unfortunate enough to live somewhere without trams as part of your public transport systems, trams run in the middle of the road. You know, where cars go.

*street performing - music in most cases
  • schroe

(no subject)

This is from over a year ago, while working at a grocery store. I had pointed one of the scanning guns at Tricia's hand to scan the barcode of something she was holding.

"Don't shine that on me," Tricia said, "You'll give me cancer!" In all seriousness, this woman believes that the scanners at the grocery store will give her cancer.
I replied, "Tricia, the only rays of light that'll give you cancer are the ones you can't see, like UV rays."
"Well you believe what you want," she said, "I know I can't change your mind!"
Look to the evening sky

Great Ball of Fire?

While eating dinner last night my father shared some of the more.. unusual emergency calls he responded to in his almost twenty years of experience driving for a local rescue squad. Now, to get a feeling for this story you'll have to understand that my area is mainly waterfront and farm land. You can go for miles without seeing a building. The entire county is home to all of one stop light currently. For all intents and purposes it is a retirement and agricultural community where most of the gross income for the county comes from the local fisheries. All in all a very rural area. Sadly, this means that we also get our share of city folk coming down for vacations and to visit relatives on the weekend.

This particular weekend a couple from New York had come down to spend a few days with the husband's parents in their cottage located on the banks of the local river. The parents had given the couple the bedroom facing east, mainly because it was the warmest room in the house. When the couple woke the first morning after their arrival to an unusually hot and bright room they looked across the river and, lo and behold! There was a massive ball of fire on the other bank. They frantically called 911 to report that there was a massive fire, and the dispatcher sent out two fire departments and the rescue squad my dad drove for.

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    amused amused

Hair (not the musical)

As you can tell from my icon I have long hair. I've had it for years (since 89 I think with a big cutting in 94 and let it go ever since). To this day I don't know why people always come up to me and say...

"OMG You have long hair!!!"

My response is either...

"Really!? OMG I never knew!"


"Yes, I grew it myself."

EDIT: After reading the comments I'm inspired to answer the question "How'd you get it so long?" by saying "I soak it in the blood of those who ask stupid questions and I'm a bit low." while fingering the knife I carry clipped to my pants. *evil grin*

EDIT2: Boy I didn't think I'd make such an impact when I wrote this. Either there's lots of stupid people or we just lack the patience to put up with people who point out the obvious. *grins* Probably both.

EDIT3: I'm editing my post to respond simply because there's just no way I can comment to everyone individually. Thank you so much for the compliments and such. Now if I could just stop blushing.
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    Skinny Puppy - Deep Down Trauma Hounds
Mac spasm

(no subject)

Wow. Just wow. All my posts in the past have been stupid things people said. Usually they realize they said something moronic and that is that. I just had this encounter. The address has been changed, but otherwise, everything else is the same.

My college's address is "123 Main Street." This took place on campus between myself and someone who was definitely a student while I was taking a break from my job.

Me: *minding my own business*
Girl: Do you know where 123 Main Street is?
Me: I'm sorry?
Girl: Do you know where 123 Main Street is? Mapquest gave me directions and they start at 123 Main Street but I don't know where that is.
Me: That's the school address.
Girl: Yeah, I know, but where is it?
Me: Um....maybe you should ask someone else.
Girl: Clearly. I'll ask someone who knows.

*boggle* I told my boss this when I got back. She boggled too. She doesn't believe anyone that stupid could seriously be in college. I should show her this community.

Just to clarify the stupid here (since this was rejected the first time), my campus is VERY small. It isn't a large town with lots of streets or anything. It is based off of one road and just goes back into the forest. So it wasn't like she was trying to identify a specific location ON the campus.
dd - fragile mister

Shopping stupid

I hate going to our local shopping mall. I hate it even worse on Thursdays as it's late night shopping and the place is always full of people that offend every sense I am in possession of. Add the fact that it's not long till Christmas and... well, let's just say I wasn't in the mood for that.

I was slightly cheered up by a couple of amusing things I spotted while we were attempting to avoid being asimilated into the gelatinous mass of consumerist white trash that surrounded us.

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    tired tired

(no subject)

I was chatting with my friends a few nights ago when the subject moved to things of an intimate and female nature. One of my friends mentioned that she'd gotten scolded at her last gynecologist visit for shaving off her pubic hair. This was met with general indignation and scorn by the rest of us.

Another friend, who is usually quite bright (if a bit silly), piped in with, "What do you even need it for, anyway? I thought it was just, like, to keep the baby warm, if you're pregnant."

There was a long pause, as jaws dropped.

Finally, somebody replied, "Have you ever taken a sex-ed class? The baby doesn't just hang out down there!"

EDIT: I should have known this post was going to turn into "HAY LJ, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PUBES." *g*

(no subject)

This one's about my stupidity.

My stepdad was telling me about how dogs actually love the flavor of antifreeze and that if you put some out in a bowl in front of them they'll drink it all up.
To which I responded: "So would that make their insides freeze?  Oh, wait.."