November 20th, 2006

High School: We Know Stupid

Stupidity from people at my school:

-Case 1-
Girl: I'm so happy for Sara, she's starting to show!
Me: Tall, blonde Sara who works in the office during second hour?
(I was clarifying because I was a little confused as to why someone would be happy that a teenager who lives below the poverty level was pregnant)
Girl: Yeah. She's starting to get a little tummy now, it's so cute. I hope it works out for her this time. Her and her boyfriend have had like three miscarriages.
Me: Wait a second. She's had three miscarriages and still hasn't learned how to use birth control? Is she planning these pregnancies?
Girl: Well, no...But she's not not planning them either. It was a accident but she's happy.
Me: ...

-Case 2-
Kay: Why are you wearing that skirt?
Me: Um...I like it?
Kay: But it's like this big! *holds up fingers and measures two inches*
Me: Come on, it's not that small.
Kay: Yuh-huh! If you bend over everyone's gonna see your underwear!
Me: I don't bend over when I'm wearing skirts.
Kay: Whatever.
Kay: *bends over to pick up her backpack (I should note, she was wearing jeans) and reveals several inches of her bright orange thong in the process*
Me: Nice thong, Kay.

-Case 3-
Girl: Do you have a lighter, Gary?
Gary: Um, hello? I'm straight edge.
Me: What's straight edge?
Gary: It means I don't drink, smoke, or have promiscuous sex.
Me: Hm. Why? (I'm not against a drinking/drug free lifestyle, I was just curious)
Gary: It's the smart thing to do.
Me: Oh. But isn't your girlfriend pregnant?
Gary: *stares at me for several seconds and then looks away*

Stupidity from my English teacher:

Her: I gotta teach this class, Taylor, and you're making it real hard for me.

As if that wasn't bad enough, this woman also asked me if 'squander' was an actual word after I used it in a sentence.

(no subject)

Not so much stupid as unco-ordinated, but truly world-class. Clumsy cop stuns himself:
A clumsy New Zealand policeman attending a domestic dispute accidentally shot himself and a teenager with a stun gun before pepper-spraying an innocent woman.

The constable was loading his weapon when he accidentally zapped himself with the stun gun's 50,000 volts while trying to stun a man at the centre of the incident last month, the New Zealand Herald reports.

Another shot hit the man's 16-year-old son.

After five attempts to hit the man, the officer eventually used pepper spray, but succeeded only in hitting the man's 21-year-old daughter - an unintended target.

The wanted man eventually gave himself up.
I Am The Princess

Biology Class

Biology teacher: *drone drone drone* And we call self-pollinating flowers homosexual flowers.
Class: O.o
Student: . . . You mean hermaphrodites?
Teacher: . . . Something like that.

(Actually, they're simply called self-pollinating flowers).

Computer lab woes..

I've been sitting in the computer lab at my university for the past two hours, killing time before my class.

About an hour ago, some girl sat down at the computer right next to me. She was typing up a paper or something for one of her classes and then when she was finished she went to wait on the extremely long line for a printer. She leaves her bag and her books on the chair.

I'm on LJ, wasting time before my first class, and I forget about her completely. A few minutes ago, she comes back and gets all in my face. The following ensues:

Girl: Excuse me, but you're going to have to move.
Me: .....??
Girl: You see, I was sitting there about an hour ago, and I just went to go print something out. You're going to have to log out.
Me: *still really confused, and not really following what she is saying, being that I've been at the same computer for the last two hours* ... I'm sorry? I don't really understand what you mean.
Girl: Log out!! When I got up to print you took my computer. So now you have to move!!
Me: Are you sure you weren't sitting at a different computer?
Girl: Yes!!! I was here before!! *blahblahwhinewhine*
Me: I've been sitting at this computer since 8am, though.. I don't really see how you were using this exact computer.
Girl: No, you weren't. I was sitting there. You must have moved all of my stuff.
Me: *finally sinks in that she was the girl sitting next to me earlier* Weren't you sitting at that computer? *-points to the chair RIGHT NEXT TO ME, where her bag and books actually are, and her document is UP ON THE SCREEN-*
Girl: Oh... yeah. *logs out of computer and walks away*

I really wanted to punch her because she was so adamant that I hid her stuff and logged her out of the computer. A guy behind me started laughing though, because he heard the entire exchange. I think she left the lab because she realized just how stupid she sounded.
Clic Clack Moo

I Dedicate This To Deify73

Who, with his/her post, just reminded me how incredibly stupid this girl in my sophomore PE class was.

The context is what makes this stupid especially so and it is this: I live in Florida. Hurricanes are big news. This happened during the Hurricane Katrina crisis. We even had several dozen evacuees relocated to our school. Coverage on the news/radio was a little hard to miss.

My PE teacher was from Louisanna and she was talking about how she loves jazz music (and she is white). This girl named Shante (who is black) starts laughing hysterically and says "Miss, I think you're getting it confused with country,".
My PE teacher says "No, I grew up in New Orleans. I grew up eating gumbo and listening to jazz,".
Shante comes back with "But miss, jazz is black music and there aren't black people in New Orleans!"

  • Current Music
    "Sex Changes" by The Dresden Dolls

brotherly love

On a recent "family bonding" weekend with my parents and brother, I got to reconnect with that special side of my brother I've missed so much since I moved out on my own. We were staying in this little fake-rustic cabin at a remote resort, and there was no escape.

We were eating dinner when my brother choked on whatever he was consuming at the time. Much coughing ensued, so I asked him if he was alright or if I should get him some water.

He shook his head and said, "No, I'm fine, it just got stuck in my sarcophagus."

I waited for a minute to see if he'd correct himself. He didn't. So I asked him to repeat and...

"It just got stuck in my SAR-CO-PHA-GUS. God, didn't you hear me? You're so slow sometimes."

The very same evening, we were all hanging out and my brother was attempting to do a crossword puzzle. A look of consternation crossed his face, and finally he piped, "Dad, what does Confucius mean?"

My father, who is a sarcastic bastard in the best way possible, replied - "Confucius: the state of two or more people being confused about the same thing."

My brother thanked him, and filled in God-knows-what on his crossword puzzle.

(As a side note, I caught him using the word in that context in a recent conversation, and he didn't believe me when I told him our Dad was kidding.)

The next morning, my brother decided he wanted to watch the football game. My Dad had disappeared with a book and some coffee, and my Mom and I were going to go for a bit of a hike. It had been a very windy night/early morning, and there were trees down all over the place. Right before the two of us left the cabin, the power shorted out.

Well, we were gone for about an hour, and when we returned to the cabin, my brother was exactly where we'd left him - in front of the TV. He was fiddling with some sort of dial, changing the batteries in the remote and wiggling the plugs to no avail. I asked him whether he'd noticed that the power was out, since all the lights had gone off and stuff. "Yeah," he said, "but I thought the cable would still work."

Did I mention he's 25?
Ellen Page---side of head

(no subject)

My dad is using my computer to put songs on his iPod Nano...when he yells:

Dad: This piece of crap isn't working!
Me: What are you trying to do?
Dad: It won't let me put videos on it!'s a Nano, Dad. You can only put music on it, not videos.
Dad: WHAT? What a piece of crap!
Me: That's what the VIDEO iPOD is for. Didn't you READ up on this before you bought it???
Dad: Uh, well...well you should be able to put videos on it. What a piece of crap.

(no subject)

I work in a payroll office

I recieved a direct deposit request through the fax today.

with it, was a copy of her check.....voided.

Why is this stupid?

I told her she could fax it to me so she didnt have to "waste" a check by voiding it.

I once recieved a direct deposit request with a photo copy of a debit card. I tried to explain that the debit card was not her bank information but she insisted that the card is where her money was coming from. I finally just sent her to the bank with the form, hell they gave her the card they should have educated her in the first place.

I once recieved a direct deposit request with no banking information. When I quizzed the fellow that turned it in to he said that he didnt have a bank account anywhere. I asked him to go get one and fill it out when he did, he said "I thought thats what this was for"