Thought in my head:
Hrm, I wonder what Scott is short for?
Maybe it's short for Scottish?
I wonder where Scottish derives from?
*one second brain silence*
Driving home and stopped at a red light...say 15yards from the corner. There's a guy standing there holding a sign , but I can't see it as his side is to me until he twists a bit to get his cell phone out of his pocket and I see the back of the sign advertising a sale at Tower Records, then he twists back to face traffic again. Light turns green, I drive past him and chuckle as I see the front of his sign, the side facing traffic, is as blank as his thought process.
Now, I didn't hear everything that was said in this conversation, but I thought this was pretty clear:
A classmate of mine was gossiping about another girl in one of her classes and claimed, "She thought Jesus was American."
My figure drawing class is very small and laid back. The other day we were talking about the harry potter phenomenon. After everyone was done talking at once about how much they liked it or hated it, this one girl who i love to death asked, "is harry potter real?" She has a reputation for being ditzy but everyone just stared at her and waited for her to assure us that she was joking. nope. when we realized she was serious we all started laughing and she did too but it was in that 'i don't know what's going on but i'm going to laugh anyway' kind of way. then some other girl jumped in and said in a mocking way, "yeah, it's based on a true story". We all giggled some more and the girl just said, "yeah! that's what i meant! like, hogwarts is a real school, huh?"
god bless her soul.
ME: Just cut the stray hairs
Stylist: I don't understand
Me: See the loose hair sticking up on top of my head.
Me: CUT THEM!
Stylist: How do I do that?
Me: Never Fucking Mind. Can I see your damn manager?
Oh. My. God.
Sometimes the capacity for ignorance of the average citizen boggles the mind. Lately I’ve had the Stephen Hawking of the Darwin contestants for a patient. As we start tonight’s episode we find our hero at home with a female of the opposite sex persuasion. One must admire his earnestness and desire to win said fair maid’s esteem by “showing her a good time”. Lacking magic blue pills and spanish fly, he deftly improvises; in order to deny his own peak and maximize his opportunity to cultivate her passion flower he applies a quantity of mild local anesthetic to the head of his manhood. I can only be awed by the steely determination that drove him to continue to apply campophenique to this most sensitive of areas and keep his applicator in place because he just knew it would stop stinging when the numbing effect started. Instead the sting intensified to a molten burning & he commenced to howling & whooping & jitterbugging like an epileptic actor doing a bad sterotype Indian war dance, causing his date to make a frantic & largely incoherent call to 911. I haven’t had this much fun at a call since Vic Marchese & I picked up the newlywed couple!
I can only hope that somehow this adventure sterilized the silly smeghead & prevents him from contaminating the genepool.