October 4th, 2006

Kingdom Hearts

how does one NOT figure it out?

My boyfriend goes to a technical college and he and his friend are hanging out when they see a girl who seems very pregnant (she was up to the point where you know that the woman isn't just fat). They recognized her as the student who does everything she can to stay thin and healthy and never gets fat. They go up to her and the conversation ensues:

Boyfriend: So, when's the baby due?
Girl: Three or four months.
Friend: Who's the dad?
Girl: I dunno. I just found out yesterday that I was pregnant, so I didn't really think about who he is.
Boyfriend/Friend: **WTF** you JUST found out?
Girl: Yeah. Why? Is that a problem?
Friend: How do you not know you're SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT?!?!?!?!?!
Girl: I thought it was just weight.
Boyfriend: One, do you really think you, of all people, would gain that much weight that fast on your diet? Second, have you not noticed the lack of a period?
Girl: ...
Boyfriend/Friend: *synchronized headdesk*

Then there was also an incident that happened on my college campus where a girl had sex with one guy. She wasn't so stupid as to not use a condom, but she TURNED IT INSIDE OUT and used it on another guy right away. The kicker: she was SHOCKED when she got pregnant.

I'm greatly afraid for/of their offspring
Pirate
  • boyzici

(no subject)

Last night I met with a friend for a drink. He is not the sharpest tool in the box, but I was still astounded when geography came up in conversation. He is in his mid 20s and we are both in England, on the Welsh/English border.

Me: Is umm me
JD: Is he

JD: So Belgium is the capital of Russia?
Me: No, that would be Moscow
JD: Oh
Me: What's the capital of Spain?
JD: Denmark
Me: Not quite. How about Wales or Scotland?
JD: *ponders*
ME: OK, just name the biggest city in either and it will probably be correct.
JD: *silence*
Me: How about naming any city in those countries?
JD: Ireland?
Me: How many cities can you name in England?
JD: Exeter, London, Bristol
Me: Any more
JD: *Pauses* How do you know all this stuff?


OK, so i was perhaps being a little mean by quizzing him - but seriously - how on earth do you survive on this planet for twenty something years and not even have an extremely basic grasp of geography? I wish I could say he was playing the fool - but he really was being serious.
Never knows best
  • robynz

(no subject)

Chick: Hi, is Miss ****** there?
Me: No, she doesn't live here anymore.
Chick: Oh, well then is your dad home?
Me: Uhhhh...?
Chick: OH! Oh, sorry. Uh, so is this the ****** residence?
Me: They. Don't. Live. Here. Anymore.
Chick: Oh, okay, I'll just call back later then.
Me: What!? NO! THEY DON...
Chick: *click*

Did I mention I'm 21 and very much not answering the phone for my 'dad'?

And yes, this is my friend's phone, it's just still connected because... because. She just told me to tell callers she doesn't live here anymore. x_x
Vines

(no subject)

A picture is worth a thousand mocks.

Can YOU spot the stupidity?

*hint:  read for errors, not for context

Collapse )

This plaque is located at the base of an oak tree by a city parking garage.  It was placed by Mayor Joe Riley.  It is all just proof that while spell-check is nice, it is no substitute for simply checking it YOURSELF.   

[[October 5 2006 EDIT: Just for fun I emailed it to the Mayor. Think anything will come of it?]]
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Zhao
  • bhs42

(no subject)

Okay, so this year I started ninth grade. Woo-hoo, yay, etc. Now, there are a few people who, when I hear them talk, I can't help but think, "How did he/she GRADUATE FROM GRADE SCHOOL?" 

After hearing these quotes, you'll wonder the same thing.

Oh, and keep this in mind: I'm in NINTH grade.

From a girl in my English class: "Where's Tokyo? Is it in the world?"
***

This second one requires a bit of explaining. 

An ocarina, for those of you that don't know, is a wood-wind-type instrument. You play it kind of like a flute, but it sounds like a recorder. The ocarina in this story is small and kind of round, and looks like a rock with holes in it. There are seven openings in it altogether: Four holes on the top, one on the side that you blow into, one on the bottom where the air comes out, and another on the bottom that you keep your thumb over whenever you play it.

Anyway, my friend is playing a few notes on this ocarina, when this incredibly irritating girl starts yelling at her to play it for the class. My friend sits there, no doubt wishing this girl would be temporarily swallowed by the earth, while Little Miss Obnoxious keeps yelling. Then she changes the subject and starts asking what, exactly, the ocarina is. My friend says two or three times that it's an ocarina. 

So, Genius Girl (the same one who thought that Tokyo was located on another planet), pops up with, "So you play it underwater!"

Ocarina-Toting Friend goes, "Huh?"

Tokyo-isn't-in-the-World Girl: "It's an AQUA-rina!"
***

This one was overheard in math: "Why do we learn math and science at the same time? It's the same thing!"
***

Ooh, and my brother said this one. He has to pick up the floor when I vacuum, and he ALWAYS leaves stuff, like coins and stuff. So one time I stopped, picked up a dime, and told him, "This can't be vacuumed up." 

His excuse for not picking it up? "I wasn't looking!"
***

That's all I can remember for now.

(no subject)

My roommate and her friends are quizzing each other about the 50 states and their capitols.

Roommate: What about New Hampshire? Whats its capital?
Friend 1: New Delhi!
Friend 2: No thats the capital of Africa or something.
Me: *head desk*

$1 says that they fail out of college. All three of them.