I am a 3rd Semester Accounting Major, the new semester just started and today we were doing
a quick review of last semester.
Teacher: "Explain in some detail what a subsidiary ledger is?"
Stupid future accountant: "I know it's a type of ledger thing"
This is from an art class I was in a while back. There was a really conservative boy who sat near me and he and I really bumped heads on certain issues to say the least. One of our conversations went a bit like this:
Guy1: *makes some derogatory remark about being gay that I forgot*
Me: You know, I still don't understand why you have such an issue with gay people.
Guy1: It's just sick. Two guys together? Eugh.
Me: Do you think two girls together is sick?
Me: So if I told you I was a lesbian you would still talk to me?
Guy1: ...Are you a lesbian?
Me: No, but what if I was would you think I was sick?
Guy1: Uh...No. I mean, it's still wrong but it's not sick.
OtherGuy: *butts in* Two girls together is frickin' hot. Two guys is...*gags*
Me: What if I told you that some women think the idea of two men together is sexy?
Me: That's not any different than you thinking two girls are hot, is it?
Guy1: Well...If a woman thought that two men was...I mean...She's clearly a lesbian if she likes that kind of thing.
Yes, you read that correctly. So, does that mean men who like lesbian porn are gay? Hmm.
And here's another one from a day ago:
I was was at the mall eating my ice cream in the little sitting area and there were two teenage girls on a bench near me. Their conversation went as follows.
GirlOne: You know that show House?
GirlTwo: The one you talk about seventy times a day? Um, no.
GirlOne: Shut up. Anyway, don't you think the docter guy is really hot?
GirlTwo: I- Wait, which one? ...DR. HOUSE?!
GirlTwo: EWWWW! HE'S OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR DAD!!!
GirlOne: *laughs* Shel, you're old enough to be my dad. He had me when he was sixteen.
GirlTwo: ...Oh, I guess you're right.
Methinks someone should stop watching hot, older men on TV and start studying their maths.
A few weeks ago my husband and I went to Red Lobster for dinner. We were waiting behind 2 ladies at the host stand, and everything was very peaceful until the lady on the right turns to her friend and says (in a tone of utmost astonishment) "You know, it smells like fish in here!"
Husband & I nearly died on the spot.
For what it's worth, the place smelled of properly cooked fish. It didn't smell foully fishy.
Over heard at the Financial Aid Office:
"I got this *CHECK* in the mail. Does that mean I owe you money?"
Perhaps not all of you might find this stupid, but since I'm a theatre tech this one got to me. My father is one of the "handy" types as well, so my mother has been more than adequately exposed to power tools and their usage. By all rights she should be able to figure out what most tools are used for and how to operate them, and in the past she has managed to operate quite a few shop tools (belt sanders, table saws, etc.) all by herself.
Well, a couple of weeks ago my father was out of town. My mother raises orchids, and she uses old plastic tubs (from Trader Joe's cookies and such) as planters. She wanted to drill drainage holes in the bottom of the plastic tub to make a plant pot. I was upstairs in my room at the time and was unaware of what was going on until my mother yelled, "SILVER!"
I came to the top of the stairs and she cried up to me, sounding highly frustrated, "I can't get the drill to work!"
Figuring she meant she couldn't operate it, I shouted, "Is it locked?"
"It's spinning but it's not making any holes!"
This confused me immensely, so I went downstairs to see what on earth she was doing. My mom handed me the drill. I looked at the bit she had on it, blinked, and asked, "Mom, this is the drill you used?"
"And this is the bit you used?"
"Yes! It won't make holes!"
I closed my eyes, wondering if I had perhaps been adopted. "Mom...this is a screw bit."
My mother had been trying to drill holes with a phillips-head screw bit, which is not even remotely sharp. For those of you who don't know, to make a hole, you need to use a drill bit (the twisty ones). A screw bit spins a screw into the hole (or, if you are using self-drillers, puts the screw directly into the wall).
"Huh?" she asked.
"Mom, you can't drill a hole with a screw bit. The best you can get with it is a dent. You need a drill bit to put a hole into anything."
She stood there for a moment, trying to comprehend this. Then she said, "You know what? I think I should let you do this" and walked away.