September 7th, 2006

Worst Rescue Ever
  • reonyea

General Stoopid

My brother was just telling me about a work thing from today. We both work at Pizza Hut, and a Chicken Supreme consists of chicken, green peppers, red onions and mushrooms. So, our friend goes to take this woman's order.

Woman: I'd like the Chicken Supreme with no green peppers, red onions or mushroom. 
Friend: Are you sure you wouldn't just like chicken, it's the same thing and it's cheaper.
Woman: No, I want the chicken supreme! without mushrooms, onions, or green pepper.
Friend: If you just ordered a margherita with chicken it'd be the same as what you've ordered but it'll be two pounds cheaper.
Woman: Thanks, but we just really like the chicken supreme.
Friend: So that's 11.99, and not 9.99, OK?
Woman: That's great, thanks. Bye!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

You're pregnant? Prove it!

This happened to one of my coworkers today. We work in a very large office/factory complex, and one of the perks that they provide is special parking spaces for expectant mothers, up close to the building. To use one of the spaces, one must obtain an Expectant Mother Parking pass from Security. My friend is seven months pregnant (key words there), so today she went to Security to get said pass. Before he would give her the parking pass, the security guy made her produce something from a doctor's office to prove that she was pregnant (fortunately she happened to have a receipt for her latest prenatal visit in her purse, so she walked down to her desk to get it.) Again, she's SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT and looks every bit of it.

(no subject)

my boyfriend is a DJ and we walk into a store that advertises vinyl and so we ask one of the workers when we walk in
us: "hey, where do you keep the vinyl?"
her: "the what?"
us: "you know the vinyl, the records"
her: "oh we dont sell linoleum here"
us: wtf?! "no, no, the records, the albums. you know wicky wicky" (insert us making random DJ hand motions here looking like idiots)
her: "oooh you mean those really big CDs."

oh lord.

((and im aware that this was already posted as a comment by myself, but i dont need to hear about you having to read it twice. :] )
  • Current Music
    as i lay dying

Stupid at work

I'm an intern at the local library and my supervisor (the librarian) did something I still can't understand.

She opened Microsoft Word to a blank page and went up to print, and two blank pages came out.

Me: Why did you print an empty document?
Her: I needed some blank white paper

Heaven forbid you do something like opening the paper tray to get blank paper.

(no subject)

Before anybody asks anything:
I work at a tech support line for MSN users. Most our customers are reasonable people who genuinely need help. And then we get calls like this.
This is as true and accurate a transcription as memory will allow. It just shows how amazingly stupid people can get to be.

Me: Thank you for contacting MSN Technical support. My name is George and I'll be your support assistant. May I please have the telephone number associated with this account?
Customer: Yes, hello. I am calling because I can't get in the internet.
Me: Very well, we'll more than gladly help you with that. May I please have the phone number associated with this account?
Customer: Okay dear, I already told you, I can't get in the internet. I don't have a problem with my phone line, my phone line is fine. Will you help me with this problem?
Me: ... Okay, now before I can provide support for you, I need to pull up your information in the database. In order to do that...
Customer: *sigh* Fine, ok, my phone number is *** - ****.
Me: Thank you, could I please have the area code for that?
Customer: Listen, I don't know why you're so obsessed with my phone number. The phone is FINE. I'm USING it right now, to TALK to you. Can you hear me OK?
Me: ... Yes.
Customer: Good, I was starting to wonder because you don't seem to be LISTENING.
Me: I need the area code, ma'am.
Customer: AGH! Ok, it's ***.
Me: Thank you for that, ma'am, can I have one moment while I pull up your information here...
Customer: I thought you had already pulled it up. Listen, what's going on over there? I've been on hold for like FIVE MINUTES!
Me: It's... been a busy day today, ma'am, I apologize for the inconvenience. Okay, I have your account here. Could I please have your full name?
Customer: Listen, where are you guys located? Seattle or something?
Me: No, ma'am, we're actually located in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
Customer: You're kidding me! My goodness!! Have you been there long?
Me: ... uh, Argentina?
Customer: Yes, what are you, volunteering?
Me: I live here.
Customer: How'd you get all the way over there?
Me: Ma'am, I...
Customer: You're american, aren't you?
Me: No, I'm not.
Customer: My goodness!! Well, you have very good English.
Me: Thank you.
Customer: The other day I called I got this tech support person who had a very heavy Indian accent... I couldn't understand a WORD of what was being said.
Me: Well, MSN does value diversity...
Customer: I'll say! And now I'm speaking with an Argentine. Well, I hope you understand me well, seeing how you're in another country and all...
Me: I'll do my best. Could I please have your full name, ma'am?
Customer: Why? This is Elsie. Why do you need my full name?
Me: For security reasons. Just to know I'm not giving your information away to somebody else...
Customer: What?! Why? Is somebody asking for my information? Who would want my information?
Me: Hypothetically.
Customer: What?
Me: Hypothetically speaking.
Customer: Now don't get all technical on me, I don't know any of your fancy computer terms.
Me: ... Okay, ma'am, I need your full name?
Customer: I'm Elsie.
Me: First and last name, please.
Customer: Elsie *******. Do you want my social security number as well!?
Me: No, that'll be fine. Thank you for that information, ma'am, is it okay if I call you Elsie?
Customer: Sure, go ahead.
Me: Elsie, could I please have the e-mail address this account is under?
Customer: OH, I've got it written down somewhere... hold on, let me see here... OK, it's *******
Me: Alrighty. Thank you for your patience while I gathered that information. May I please have a brief overview of the reason you're contacting MSN today?
Customer: ... But I already TOLD YOU! I can't get on the Internet!!
Me: ... Okay, could you be a little bit more specific?
Customer: Well, what do you wanna know?
Me: Well, first of all, are you using dialup?
Customer: The what?
Me: Dialup.
Customer: ... I'm sorry, I don't speak Argentinean.
Me: Do you access the internet using the phone line?
Customer: No, I use the computer.
Me: ...Do you try signing in using the MSN butterfly?
Customer: The what?!
Me: The MSN Butterfly.
Customer: No, the computer, hun, the computer!!
Me: ... On your desktop, do you see an icon that says "MSN" with a little butterfly?
Customer: On my desktop? ... Let me check... No, no butterfly... why would there be a butterfly on my desktop anyway?
Me: Okay, let's go through Programs and search for the MSN software there...
Customer: I told you to stop it with the fancy computer words! I don't have the butterfly! If I had a butterfly, I would know, OK?!
Me: ... Alright. So is it safe to say you don't have the MSN softw-- program installed?
Customer: WAIT A MINUTE hold on here... I PAID for this thing, OK? You're telling me I don't have the MSN, but I paid for it, do you want me to give you my credit card number so you can check the billing information?!
Me: No, ma'am, that'll be fine. But if you don't see the MSN butterfly installed I can only assume you don't have the program installed and you're using a manual connection.
Customer: I'm not using a connection. I told you, I can't get in the internet!!! God, you foreign people.
Me: Okay, ma'am, so what I'm gonna do is assist you in the setting up of a manual connection for you to download the MSN Software with, is that okay?
Customer: Well, how are we gonna do that.
Me: First I would need you to get to Control Panel and look for Connection Settings...
Customer: I'm not leaving this house!
Me: No, Control Panel is in your computer.
Customer: ... Oh, you need me to be on the computer?
Me: ... Yes.
Customer: But I haven't even opened it yet.
Me: ... I'm sorry, what was that?
Customer: It's in the box.
Me: You haven't opened the box yet?!?
Customer: ... I'm gonna have to call you guys back later...