August 9th, 2006

me helmet

I'm smart sometimes

My boyfriend and I were talking about our ancestry one night. He was talking about what it was like moving to Canada and having his 1/4 Mohawk magically transformed into 1/2 Mohawk because it's from his father's side. This brilliant conversation ensued...

Me: My grandmother's grandmother was a full-blood native, but I don't know what Nation. It only makes me 1/16 anyway, but it's nice to know.
BF: Does anyone know what Nation? I'm sure someone on that side of your family knows.
Me: Yeah, I could ask my grandma...She moved here from Britain when she was three. What Nations are there over there?
BF: I...What? Seriously?
Me: Yeah, well, it can't be that hard to figure out. It's better than calling her at 11 at night.
BF: exactly how many Native American tribes do you think there are in England?
Me: There can't be that many. I'll have to look it up.
BF: *grins in disbelief*
Me: What? *turns red* Oh...wait, forget I said anything. I'll look in the family tree.

(no subject)

Whenever I get the chance I read through the classifieds in hopes of maybe someday finding a stupid or funny one. Some days it actually pays off.

Found this in the Lost and Found section:

FOUND: Tall male w/ short hair, mostly black w/ white chest, wearing red woven collar & flea collar. Call ***-****

And found this one in the Cars for Sale:

FOR SALE: 1999 Saturn, great cond, 75K miles, towed most of those miles. Call ***-**** for more info.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

a nice set of mocks

1. hospital mayhem, the joy of opposable thumbs.

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2. Where I work, we're closed for statutory government approved holidays, but the security monkeys such as myself, are on site to do some overtime thumb twiddling...( now that all our thumbs function once more).

What part of "this keeps happening" isn't clear?

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history repeat dinosaur

(no subject)

A brief intro to this mock. I recently got a job in the same town my grandparents live in, so until I find somewhere to live, I'm staying with them. They have one TV, which means we watch TV together, including the one hour of TV I insist on watching, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and The Colbert Report. Last night my grandfather asked me if Colbert was Jewish. I told him no, but Stewart is.

He disagrees. Nevermind repeated references to the contrary, and the existence of actual fact. My grandfather is a great, if unknowing, advocate of truthiness.

He refuses to believe that John Stewart is Jewish, but he INSISTS Colbert IS, with his entire argument based on their last names. "Stewart is a Scottish last name! He can't be Jewish! But Colbert, that's definitely a Jewish name. He's Jewish. Looks Jewish, too. Stewart doesn't look Jewish."

I mean, it matters not to me, but of all the things to mix-up concerning those's hard to keep the laughter choked back while watching.
me helmet

(no subject)

I used to work in a pet store that was located inside a mall. It is very obviously a pet store. Leashes on the wall, hamster cages, fish food. Aside from the usual stupidity of customers, I had to deal with this guy...

Me: *standing behind counter pricing an order*
Guy: Hi, do you have cell phone covers here?
Me: *wondering if I heard him right* You mean, animal print ones?
Guy: No, I just want a cell phone cover. And a phone card.
Me: Sorry, you'll have to go to your company's location in the mall. This is a pet store.
Guy: You don't have either?
Me: Unless you want to put a harness and leash on it, I don't think I can help you. Who's your service provider?
Guy: *gives me a funny look* I use *provider*
Me: Ok, great, they're around the corner, first one on the right. There's a bunch of phones right when you walk in.
Guy: Thank you so much

In case you're wondering, yes, I used to get in trouble for attitude all the time. That's why I got out of customer service.


A guy called my cell phone, asking for "Bob." I explained that he had the wrong number. After hanging up he immediately dialed my number again, got my answering machine, and left this message:

"Hey, Bob, give me a call back, okay? I'm not even sure if this is your cell number. If this isn't your cell phone, call me and tell me what the right number is."

...I hope he realized what he said once he hung up...
gay communist lumberjack canadian

Group Demands Lactose Warning Labels on Milk

In Washington DC, a group of 10 consumers have filed a lawsuit on behalf of all the citizens in the district who are lactose intolerant and don't know it. They are demanding that the defendants in the case, which include supermarkets like Safeway, put warning labels on milk cartons, stating that milk could cause health problems in people who are lactose intolerant.

This seems fairly obvious, but the plaintiffs insist that most people don't know that they are lactose intolerant - the onset is gradual and can occur any time in life - and continue to experience negative side effects from the ingestion of dairy.

Fortunately for dairy producers, sellers and even milk drinkers, their case brought an unfavorable ruling by the US District Court that heard it, though the group plans to appeal. Dairy producers seem to think that labels would hurt sales, but if people are not put off by experiencing negative side effects such as abdominal pain and other gastrointestinal disturbances, it doesn't seem all that likely that most consumers would alter their buying habits when it comes to milk.

The WTF-ness of this just makes my brain melt.

More medical stupid

Multi-level medical stupidity.
I'm an MRI tech. A doctors office schedules a patient, patient comes in to have the scan big deal. I check the patients screening form and see that she has a pacemaker (electronic gizmo implanted that helps your heart beat, in case anyone doesn't know). Giant MRI magnet + electronic device with wires around the heart = bad voodoo. I would think the ordering doctor would be aware of these things, but hey...I write "pacemaker" on the front of her chart and tell our stupid front office girl to call the Dr. and find out if he wants a CT scan instead and Dr. says OK. No real big deal...yet.

3 months later, I see a patient on my rings a bell, but I can't place it. Stupid Office Girl calls me to say she's ready, I go to get her: same lady with the same pacemaker...same MRI test...ordered my the same doctor...through the same stupid front office girl...with "pacemaker" still on the chart.

They may all want her dead, but I like my patients.
lynda barry


I just got a book in the mail that was almost a month late. I had assumed that it had been lost, but it finally showed up.

Apparently it was delivered to someone else first. She wrote "Please forward, sent to wrong address" on the envelope and signed her name and address. She lives several miles away from me, but has the same first name. I guess the mail carrier thought that was close enough. :P

Why it's a good thing to have a numerus clausus on med school

Inspired by this post

My ex-bf and I got into a fight one night, and he got so angry he hit a steel garage door. That in itself was already stupid, but he was stupid anyway.

The steel was obviously harder than his hand, and he was in a lot of pain so we took him to the ER.

By this time, his hand was hanging down in a 90 degree angle from his arm, with a huge swelling on his wrist. He could not keep his hand nor arm up without support from the other one. Remember this, it's important.

After waiting two hours in the ER waiting room, we are greeted by an assistant orthopedic on duty. He asks what is the problem ( which was rather obvious, but still, he might be there because he had the flu, right?)

We explained what happened, and they go off for X-rays.

After waiting for the results, the assistant comes back with incredible news.

Assistant : Well, it looks like everything's fine with your wrist.

Ex-bf : but euhm, I can't even lift my hand by itself, it's just hanging there.

Assistant : I can't see anything on the X-rays. Are you sure you're in pain?

*collective headdesk*

My mom : shouldn't you ask your supervisor to come in?

Assistant : I'm sorry, he's not here but on call, and I won't disturb him for nothing, I can't see anything wrong on the X-rays.

After some more back and forth reasoning, he agrees to call his supervisor, an orthopedic specialist.

The specialist came in in a rush, saying he had *NEVER* witnessed such a complex fracture. His entire hand had burst, the wrist had broken in two and the wristbone had shifted onto his hand.

The worst is, the assistant didn't even try to appologize for "seeing nothing" or anything - he stood there, nodding in agreement, saying WE DID NOT BELIEVE HIM.

(no subject)

Let's get one thing straight: I like my job. My managers and co-workers are intelligent and fun to work with.

Right. On with the stupid.

We have these shoe caddies we use to store work related stuff, hung up on the wall, everyone gets assigned a pocket. One of our new hires got assigned a pocket on the second row from the top.

The stupid? She's a midget. The pocket is about twice as high up as she is tall. Ya think a manager would assign her a pocket on the bottom? Or at least allow her to move it to the bottom? Nooooo. That would be smrt.

A few stories

The first two have to do with a wonderful friend of mine named Jessie, our Gifted level social studies class, and said social studies class'  teacher.

First was when a rather big test was around the corner, and I was absentmindedly watching Jessie fill out a review sheet, and was dumbstruck to see that she had put, as an answer to the question "Who did we fight against in the Revolutionary War?".... "Spain." Yes, she was born and raise here in America, and yes, she did feel stupid when I pointed out her mistake.

The second time we were actually in class, and it is important to note that we were in room 812, and a pass came from Guidance for Jessie. It had "To: room 812" written on it, but was quite obviously from the guidance office. Jessie and I are both aides in the main office, and, as we run MANY passes like these, we know how they work. So the teacher gives Jessie the pass, and Jessie stands up as if to leave, then pauses and says

"Where is room 812?"

Better yet was the teachers reply of "I don't know!"

This third story is completely unrelated and happened several years ago. One day, my aunt (by marriage, thank goodness) came over and asked to use our fax machine. Sure, no problem. We tell her how it works and she goes to use it. A few minutes later she comes back and says

"Thanks, but I don't think it worked, because the paper came back out."