I work in a medical facility, so I get a lot of stupid questions, but this one took the cake:
patient: My doctor told me I can't have anything to eat or drink except water to get some lab tests done. How do I do that?
me: You don't eat anything. Or drink anything. Unless it is water.
patient: How do I drink water?
Up until today my 19 year old, high school graduate friend thought that girls pee out of their anus. As in, the same hole as where their poop came from. I was shocked.
I had to weigh my cat and did it the easy way: weigh myself holding him, then without, and subtract. With my dad and stepmother in audience, I grabbed Clark (icon) and stood on the scale. After checking the weight, I announced "Wow, I've gained a lot of weight in the last two months!" at which point my stepmother rolled her eyes and my father burst into mocking laughter. Yep, I totally forgot I had a 15 pound cat in my arms.
This is from a featured article in our local paper's real estate section:
Baths: 2 1/2
Living/Dining Areas: 2
Lot Size: 180 inches wide by 120 inches deep
New washer/dryer, refrigerator, A/C
Call John Doe at 555-5555 for more information.
Let me set the scene for ya, I'm waiting to go in for a job interview. There's another candidate, a roughly college-age girl, sitting across from me in the lobby. I see that the outside of her date book is covered with those LOVE postage stamps. I think that they must be decorative. After all, what moron would use 30 some odd cent postage stamps to decorate something?
So I say, Those look just like those postage stamps. are they from the post office?
And she says Yeah, they're regular stamps, but they expired.
And I'm thinking ???
And she says I thought they were pretty and I didn't know what else to do with them.
It seemed a bit rude to suggest putting them on envelopes for the purpose of mailing letters. After further conversation, I realized that she honestly thought the stamps were "expired" because the price of stamps had gone up.
As you might imagine, I'll be very sad if she gets the job.