I recently attended a party where I offered to go get the next load of alcohol. Unfortunately, on the way there, I discovered that the three people who volunteered to go with me were underage. Although it's not legally required, many liquor stores in my area will card the entourage of the person buying the booze, and if any of them don't have an ID or are under age, the clerk has the right to refuse to sell, and since most liquor stores around here close by 10 p.m. (welcome to the Bible belt) if we were turned away here, it would be a very dry night.
So, I went into the liquor store by myself and picked up a 30-pack of Bud Light, a 12-pack of Busch Light and a few cases of flavored Smirnoff. All in all, I had about six cases of beer. Maybe a 5'3 girl lugging six cases of beer by herself is what cued conversation with Idiot Attendant:
IA: So...havin' a big party tonight, eh? *wink*
Me: >trying to be funny< Nah, I'm trying to set a world record. I have to have all of this drank by 7 a.m. tomorrow to ensure I make it into the Guiness Book of World Records.
IA: Whoa, seriously?
Me: >realizing IA is an idiot< Yeah. Absolutely.
IA: Wow, can't you get, like, liver poisoning?
Me: Not if you don't have a liver.
IA: You don't have a liver??
Maybe this is why liquor stores close by 10, because staying open any later would require attendants with above room-temperature IQs.
When Tony Blair was in DC the other day, I saw him get into the car and then watched his whole entourage drive by. Cue excited phone conversation.
Me: I SAW TONY BLAIR!
Friend (who is apparently living under a rock): Wait...who is Tony Blair?
Me: YOU DID NOT JUST ASK ME THAT *goes on rant*
Friend: Ok ok, I get it, he's someone important that I should probably know...what is he, like the Secretary of State or something?
One day later...
Me: Friend, have you figured out who Tony Blair is yet?
Friend: YES, google has informed me that he is the Prime MInister of England.
Me: good, good....and who is our Secretary of State?
Friend: uh.......excuse me for a minute
Me: FRIEND! YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!! *goes on rant*
Friend: Oh!!! I know! Isn't he the one that got shot? Or shot someone? or something?
Me; NO!! Have you ever heard of Condoleezza Rice???
Me: And who is the one that accidentally shot someone?
Me: Our Vice President, Friend. Who is our Vice President?????!?!?!
Friend: You're scaring me....
Me: Please tell me you know who our Vice President is.....
Friend: Hold on....*asks someone in the background* Dick Cheney.
Various things I've heard/my mom has heard in the past few years:
(From a girl in my sophomore history class): "China comes before Japan in the alphabet!"
(In the hallway): "Wait, wasn't Mount Rushmore naturally formed?"
(In the hallway): "How long did it take to build the Underground Railroad?"
(From a woman my mom works with): "Can't any word be an adverb if you just add 'ly'?"
Also, in my English class last year, (I'm about to be a senior in high school, so this was a class of juniors) my teacher actually taught us grammar. He's the only English teacher at my school to teach grammar, (so... maybe half of my graduating class has had in depth grammar lessons) which is pretty stupid on its own, considering before high school we only get basics. Anyway, he obviously tested us over grammar, and when he was talking about the test he kept telling us that we'd have two chances to take it, because it was rather hard. I took this to mean that about half the students would pass it the first time.
Guess how many people passed the first try? Out of a group of about seventy to seventy-five students, (three classes worth) six people passed. Six. Seriously. Remember, these are juniors. One more year, and they're out of high school.
It still kind of amazes me.
The manager at the smoothie place where I work cannot spell to save her life. She is always leaving us notes and even the kids in high school laugh. I can usually understand them, but this one had me confused for a while.
Please take garbage and throw out fill cups.
I called our other location to see if they knew what "fill cups" were. They didn't. About 3 hours later I realized that she didn't understandpunctuation and she just wanted me to fill the empty cups up.
Working at a smoothie place I get lot's of stupid people. This one woman held up a line because she didn't understand why there were carbs in a drink THAT WAS MADE OF FRUIT. She tried to argue with me that I was wrong even after showing her all the nutrition facts.
EDIT Haha I caught my mistake. Carbs not cards. I feel silly. I do hope you all realize that I can spell the word "carb." Just a typo that I didn't catch. I promise.
Okay, so i have long hair and i like to take care of it. And this scenario has happened at least four times so far. I dry my hair every time i get out of the shower, and sometimes when someone IMs me or something it basically goes like this:
Person: What's up?
Me: I just finished drying my hair.
Person: OOH WHAT COLOR??
Me: ...i said i just dried my hair.
Person: I know, what color??
Me: Uh, *stabs*
Figured i'd post something here once in a while.
I watched a documentary about hippos a few months ago, and researchers suggested that hippos may be omnivores and cannibals, not to mention aggressive. A few days after watching said documentary, we had a discussion in one of my classes about strange facts.
Conversation went as follows:
ME: I watched a documentary on hippos the other day that said there's reason to believe they're cannibals.
GIRL: Yeah right, hippos don't eat people!
An argument then ensued about the definition of "cannibal".
On the quiz show 'The Weakest Link' today, there was a woman. This woman was so thick, that I just couldnt believe it. Every answer she gave was wrong, but this one stuck out..
Presenter: "Which artist's name does the term 'Rubenesque' come from?"
Woman: "Aretha Franklin"
The other night, my boyfriend's cousins (Tony and Konsta) were trying to figure out his birthday. They knew it was in March, and they had been guessing dates for a while.
Tony: Wait, it's the day after April Fool's Day.
Konsta: Yeah! March first!