I was at the grocery store this afternoon. My purchase came to $9.76, so I gave the clerk $20.01. She attempted to give me $11 back. When I didn't take it immediately, she said, "Wait, that's not right," and took the money back.
She then scrutinized my receipt and appeared to be re-adding it in her head. She looked at her open cash drawer, puzzled, then handed me a ten and two ones.
I was tempted to see how long it would take for her to sort out the right change, but as a line was forming behind me, I said, "10.25," whereupon she handed me the right change and bagged my groceries, flustered.
My boss is sweet, and tries real hard, but sometimes the things that come out of said boss's mouth... Well, I sure hope boss doesn't read this community, because they're very unique. *is trying to be gender neutral and such here, just in case*
Only one of these would actually be mock-worthy, were my boss not the director of a library.
Conversations from the past week:
At a staff meeting
Boss: We've put the die-cuts into categories, so you'd look for "brontosaurus" or "triceratops" under "D" for dinosaur, not "B" for brontosaurus or "P" for triceratops.
Admin. assistant and I: Exchange "Did Boss really just say that?" glances.
Admin. assistant: Maybe she meant pterodactyl?
Boss: *talks about Lemony Snicket*
Me: You know what kind of amuses me? No one really knows what 'penultimate'* means anymore, so patrons are always coming up and saying things like, "Wow, I wonder how many more books he'll write." And I say, "One!"
Boss: ...Well, he could do at least three or four more.
* Penultimate means second to last, which is not really common knowledge, but should be for a librarian. Especially since Boss kind of nodded and um-hm'ed when I said that, too.
At another staff meeting, the morning after July 4th
Coworker: Man, I wish they'd give us the day after the fourth off instead of the fourth.
Other coworker: Or at least let us come in late.
Everyone: *makes general noises of agreement*
Boss: *looking very confused* Well, what were you all doing last night?
Third Coworker: *tentatively* Fireworks...?
Boss: *looks blank some more* ...Well, whatever...
While working the overnight shift at my hotel on July 3rd I got to explain the reasons for the fourth of July to my boss. My boss is 37 and from Texas. She thought it had "something to do with the Mexicans." So I explained to her about the Declaration of Independence and the Revolutionary War. She said "but that happened like 200 years ago." I responded with, "Well, Jesus was born 2000 years ago and we've still got Christmas." And with that she walked away and I didn't have to talk to her for a good couple of hours. The Security Officer said, "I learned about the fourth when I was six. And I learned about it in Spanish."
My Security Officer and I were completely dumbfounded.
A warning label on the info for my BCP:
"Do not use if you are trying to become pregnant"
[Yes, I know people use BCP for purposes other than birth control. I'm on it to compensate for messed-up innards. However, it's still pretty funny]
As some of you may remember there was a rather large blackout a couple of years ago in northeastern US. I got to my apartment just after it happened. And I realized rather quickly that I did not have a working landline. Our only phone was cordless and therefore needed power. So I walked downstairs to see if my neighbor had a phone I could borrow.
She did. And once I explained to her that I wanted the whole phone to bring upstairs, she allowed me to borrow it.
She did seem rather concerned however.
She was worried that because it was her phone the long distance calls might end up on her bill.
Despite the fact that the phone would be plugged into my apartment.
This went on for a few minutes until I gave up and assured her that
if by some miracle a call I made from my apartment ended up on her bill, I would pay it.
She never was the smartest cookie.
~edited to allow for those who didn't hear about the blackout I mentioned~
In remembrance of a good Fourth of July, here's a gem:
A guy trying to light a firework very near one already going off: "Don't worry! I'm wearing glasses! It's okay!"
I'm constantly amazed at the folks I work with. Sometimes I think I work with extras from the cast of Cops (I'll post about some of that someday). This is one of my favorite things about work ...
When the supervisor leaves early, the press room starts to clear out. They all think they are getting away with something. They brag about it even.
They have to clock out. The press room supervisor also oversees payroll ... and therefore the time clock.
I can't believe I didn't write about this yet.
The setting is my 7th grade Pre-Algebra class. My teacher was an absolute moron. For example, she used to post the answers to the tests, hand back the tests, and give those that got less than a C a week to re-do the problems that they missed. But it gets worse, much worse.
Just real quick, it is important to know the layout of the room. It was just a square, but along three of the four walls was a counter, and the counters had computers on them. There were probably about 20 computers. These computers were always on. Always.
My particular class period was right after lunch, and one particularly hot day, Sean and Steven, twins, decided they didn't want to actually do anything. So we all go inside, sit down, and Mrs. R (the teacher, duh) starts getting the overhead out, as that was her main teaching tool.
As she's gathering her things, Sean turns the lights off.
Mrs. R: Oh no, is the power out?
Class: Looks at computers, which are all still on
Sean: Yeah, I think think it is.
Steven: Yeah, the news said the power might go out today.
Mrs. R: Really? I didn't hear that.
Sean: Yeah, it was on channel 4.
Mrs. R: Oh well, I guess there's nothing we can do. Talk quietly amongst yourselves. We'll make up today's lesson tomorrow.
And we didn't do anything that day. Regardless of the fact that the computers were on, and that there was enough light coming in through the windows for her to teach without the overhead, but she believed that the power was out and there was nothing she could do.
The post about the girl with the blue hair and the idiots who thought it was natural reminded me of this stupidity from back when I was in high school. In my senior year of high school, one of my favorite brands of contact lenses came out with colored prescription lenses, and I tried every color they had, including the very interesting color violet. You couldn't see the violet unless you were under the right light though, and so they otherwise looked a little bluish. Somehow I was always under the right light while next to someone who can only be described as f***ing stupid. I got comments from "OMG Is that your natural eye color?!" to "Did you get your eyes injected with ink or an eye transplant?" Now, if it makes sense that purple is not a natural eye color, where could I have gotten the transplant from? Jeez, people...
But my favorite has to be when I tried a sample pair of silver contact lenses (something I don't think they have anymore because of something harmful in the silver part of the lenses or something like that). These you could tell were out of the ordinary in any type of light, and somehow the entire two weeks I was wearing them, no one said anything about why my eyes looked like they were made of metal. That is, until the end of the school day on my last day of wearing them. Everyone had finished their tests early, and we were all sitting quietly waiting for the bell to ring while the teacher began grading some of the tests. I had forgot to bring my watch with me yet again, so I looked over at the clock on the side wall and saw that we only had five minutes left. As I was still looking up, the classmate sitting next to me in the direction I was staring to look at the clock fell out of her desk and started freaking out and staring at me. Forgetting I had the contact lenses in at this point I was wondering what was wrong, and she said "WTF is wrong with your EYES??!!!" Then I started laughing, and so did the rest of the class, since they were intelligent enough to realize what I was wearing were colored contact lenses. It took a few more minutes plus the announcements for her to realize that, too. I don't think anyone let her forget that one.
I asked my boyfriend over for dinner the last time I made curry, he declined because he hates butter chicken.
Tonight we're going out for Indian and he excitedly told me he wants the chicken makahn because it's his favourite.
For those of you who don't know.. butter chicken = chicken makhan.
Another time, I went to his house and he told me his tv was broken. He'd pressed all the buttons on the remote, then changed the batteries, to no avail. Then he pulled out the tv unit to check the cords weren't damaged and were plugged in ok, then tested some other appliances on the same power socket, they worked fine.
I walked over to the tv.. pushed the power button, and it springs to life, much to his amazement. "How'd you do that?" he asked. "I switched it on" I told him.
Oh it's a good thing I love him!
**I know of 2 families whose homes have been ruined by fire that started from televisions in standby mode - always turn off your appliances people!**
For the last three years, I've been excused from having had to log in electronically at work, because the electronic fingerpad won't read my fingerprint. I registered my index finger and my thumb, but it would never read it.
The HR department used to give me trouble over it, but after three months of "but the system won't read my fingerprints! I've tried and tried and tried!" they gave up. Now, they take my time sheets at face value. Honor system. They don't even ask my superiors to sign attendance validation forms anymore.
Today, just for the heck of it, I tried logging in again electronically just to see if any of the fixes they made worked. Just for the heck of it, I tried all my fingers. It worked.
Turns out I've been using the wrong hand.
I wonder if I should tell HR and IT. Nah.
My husband's best friend, Jon is an electrician, but he does computer repair and tech support in his spare time for friends and family. A few years ago, when we were roommates, he got a call from his sister. She was frantic because her computer was on the fritz. She explained the problems she was having with it, and he told her that she probably had a virus and he would be at her place in a couple of hours to work on it.
When he got there, he walked in to find all of the parts laying on a towel next to the tower. Upon closer inspection, he noticed a strange, sticky film all over the parts. Curious, he asked why she had torn them out, and what the film was.
Apparently, when he told her that she probably had a virus on the computer, she had taken all of the parts out and sprayed them with an antibacterial spray...you know, to kill the virus.
He spent another two hours, gently cleaning all of the parts with a damp cloth, all the while explaining to her that the spray would not get rid of the virus and that only an antivirus program would do the job. Even after all of that, she still didn't understand because the Lysol she used was "supposed to kill 99% of all bacteria that cause viruses."
It still amazes me that they came from the same parents.
I've been in Australia awhile, I know better, really I do.
Me: So cookies are biscuits but not all biscuits are cookies?
Boyfriend: Yes, there are cookies, like oreos, and biscuits, like Tim-Tams.
Me: We have biscuits, but they're not like cookies at all.
Boyfriend: So what are American biscuits?
Me: Like, a fluffy crispy muffin-like food that usually is made of buttermilk.
Boyfriend: Sounds gross. We don't have those.
Me: You DON'T?! Oh Em Gee, what do you eat for Thanksgiving?!
My boyfriend is dating a dumb American. Great.
Let me not even START on the Jell-o, Jelly, and Jam conversation.
All right, I know we're not supposed to introduce ourselves with a "self-mock," but this was just too damn funny. I promise I won't introduce myself. Fair trade, perhaps? Off we go...
I live with my parents. We have two air conditioning units, one on each side of the house (and thus outside each of our bedrooms). Theirs has been too loud, and they found out today that it's not the AC unit but the pipe vibrating, so they're going to get a pad put under it to stabilize it.
Me: Oh, yeah, mine's really loud, too. When I open my windows, it keeps me from sleeping, so I have to close the one on that side of the house.
Dad: Yeah, but if your window's open, the air conditioner should always be off.
Me: *rolling eyes* Yeah, it is. I'm just saying that it's loud enough that I have to close my window.
Dad: Your windows should be closed.
Me: It's summer, I know, I know, but when you guys INSIST on turning off the air conditioning and making me open my windows, it's loud, and you might want to get the AC guys to look into it.
Dad: No, your windows should be CLOSED.
Me: But you guys turn off the AC and make me open them!
(If you didn't see this answer coming... you're not alone. You're with me, in fact.)
Dad: If your windows are open, the air conditioning should be OFF. If it's OFF, I promise that the noise will not bother you.
Man, I hadn't actually had people point and laugh in a while.
I went to the bank today to get a change order. I had pre-ordered it (meaning I called up and told them what I wanted). When I had pre-ordered it my boss told me to get another $50 of $10 notes. So I called up the bank and accidentally asked for $50 of $5 notes. I tried calling back and no-one answered. Ok. Now onto the stupid:
I went into the bank and up to the teller.
Me - I tried calling before - I wanted $50 of $10 notes not $50 of $5 notes. Is it possible for you to change it over?
Teller - Um, that's too complicated.
Me - I just need $170 in $10 notes and $130 in $5 notes (the accidental order was for $120 in $10 notes and $180 in $5 notes).
Teller - That's too complicated. I'm confused…
Me -How is it confusing? Just take $50 out of the $5 notes and give me $50 of $10 notes.
Teller - No, sorry. That is too confusing. I will have to pass you onto *superior*.
Me - Fine. *headdesk*
You think that you would need some sort of basic mathematic skill in order to work as a teller at a bank wouldn’t you?
And this isn't the first time something stupid has happened at this bank. I was once short changed $150 in $2 coins. They then tried to tell me that they hadn't short changed me. Grr at them I say.
A man called into a radio show to correct one of the DJs.
Man: "There are actually 52 states."
DJ: "Oh, really? What are the other two?"
Man: "Alaska and Hawaii. We just got those in the past couple of years."