July 6th, 2006

eek turtleshell ~obsessiveicons

Boyfriends and other creatures

So, ever since we started dating, a little over 7 months ago, my boyfriend has been complaining that his sound card on his computer doesn't work and he doesn't get sound. During this time, he has moved his computer about 3 times and unpluged and repluged his speakers.

Well, today he was switching desks and the following conversation happened.

Him: I can't believe this.
Me: What's wrong? *thinking that he broke something*
Him: Umm... all this time, I had my speakers pluged into the wrong thing.
evolution

"Fossil fuel"

My first mock.
I'm pretty active in the Creationism/Evolution "debate", but stupid creationist claims are a dime a dozen and hardly worth being surprised over anymore or posting here. Today however I came across this in one of the debate groups I visit:

"this is neither a creationist's nor evolutionist's question any side my answer so here it goes.

Can dinosaur fossil or whatever part is used to do so, be used to make oil?"

I've been saving these ones...

There's a girl who I love to bits as a friend but she comes out with some of the most REDICULOUS stuff!

1)
Girl: What language do they speak in France?
Everybody in pub: *headtable*

2)
Me: Wanna cherry tomato?
Girl: What do they taste like?
Me: Erm.... biscuits????? *facepalm*

3) (I kid you not)
Girl: Did they move England into the states or something? Whats in place of Old England?
Me: *headdeskfacepalm*
Monkey kisses

Boss=Not the Brightest Bulb

My boss has two issues. #1--he seriously did way too many drugs in the 80's. #2--he takes too much stock in random mis-information (everything ever written on Wikipedia, apparently, is absolute truth).

Did you know that Dutch and Danish weren't the same language? He doesn't.

Boss: [sees an ad proclaiming "Learn Dutch!" in the coffee shop]
Boss: Wow, that would be really useful if you were going to Copenhagen.
Me: Copenhagen's in Denmark.
Boss: Yeah, so?
Me: Denmark....not the Netherlands.
Boss: So?
Me: So...they speak DANISH in Denmark.
Boss: No. Wait, aren't they the same?
Me: Noo...
Boss: So where do they speak Dutch then smartie-pants?
Me: In the Netherlands.
Boss: That's not a real place, that's just what they call the place where all the countries are that they can't fit into a place...you know...like the nether regions...nether lands...
Me: Um...it IS a real place, and Dutch and Danish are NOT the same language.
Boss: Whatever, I don't believe you. I'll look it up on Wikipedia later.

Do that boss...do that.

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demonade

(no subject)

i work in a veterinary clinic (no, that's not the stupid part -- i think). the other day, a client brings her cat in to get the stitches removed from where she got spayed a week and a half or so ago.

so she walks in with her cat carrier in one hand and her cat tucked under the other arm. okay, i've seen weirder things. fine. so my coworker and i take her into the exam room (no, this isn't a two-person job; it was a slow day) and have a look at the kitty before the doc comes in (we do this a lot, and people always assume we're doing something official. actually we're just being nosy).

we notice that the cat doesn't HAVE stitches; she must have chewed them out (this isn't the stupid either). the incision has healed nicely and there's no cause for concern, so we tell the woman to go away. she leaves the exam room and i begin cleaning up.

five minutes later i walk into the reception area and she and my coworker are still there. they've got the cat in the carrier on the client's lap and are both peering in. i ask my coworker what's up.

coworker: "well, this stupid carrier... the door doesn't seem to latch."
client: "it's like... the door swings both ways! how am i supposed to keep her in there if she can just push on the door and get out?"

they grab the door and swing it in and out a couple of times, to the cat's bemusement. i just stand there watching; it's better than mopping floors. they try this way, they try that way, they try looking for hidden latches.

i say nothing, just watch.

finally after a solid half hour of this, the client is nearly in tears: "I PAID A LOT OF GOOD MONEY FOR THIS CARRIER AND IT'S A HUNK OF JUNK! I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY EXPECT ME TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LATCH THE DOOR! IT'S NOT LIKE IT CAME WITH AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL!" she stomps out with the carrier in one hand and the cat under her arm.

as soon as she closes the door, i look at my coworker and ask, "does she know that her cat carrier is a litter box?"
21

...well, at least it's not another American screw up...

If any of you have heard of Westlife then you've probably heard of Nicky Byrne, one of the four lads in the group. On their official website they've put up a Q&A about their favourite holiday spots, activites, etc. Nicky's favourite holiday?

When I was about eight my parents and I went to Canada for two weeks. I’d never been to the States and it was just the best thing ever.

[facepalm] It's a good thing he's pretty.

(no subject)

Ok, I work for a landline phone company. That's the phone that comes into your house. I take calls from customers, mostly about billing and adding and removing services. In order to reach me, you *have* to dial an 800 number. Occasionally, I will get a repair call. When I do, I check the account (just in case their "repair" problem is that they haven't paid their bill), then either get repair on the line or take care of whatever other problem there is.

Today, I got a repair call. I checked the account (it was current). I went over some basic troubleshooting:

me : "what do you hear?"
Duh! :"sounds like an open line"
me : "does the phone work in another phone jack?"
Duh! :"no, I checked 2 jacks"
me : "is it a cordless phone?"
Duh! :"no, it's a regular phone"

Ok... it isn't any of those things.

This customer had dial-up internet on the account, so I asked if the computer was plugged into the phone line. (Sometimes, a computer modem will keep the line from hanging up).
Once she understood by what I meant (phone line?computer? i'msoconfuuuuuusedomgwtfbbq), she unplugged it.

I was able to hear it being unplugged over the line.

wtf?

So I asked a mockingly obvious question, "what phone number are you dialing in from?"
Duh! : "my home number"
me : "You mean the number that isn't working?"
Duh! : "Yeah."
me : she must be *really* oblivious "If it isn't working, how did you dial my number?"
Duh! : "oh, so it's working now?"
me : stabs brain out to end the misery

This ended up being a 17 minute call.

And people wonder why I am going gray.

Deb

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