June 28th, 2006

lj all your base

(no subject)

Self mock today. For background, I'm 15 years old and normally pretty intelligent, I like to think. This was not a shining moment for me.

So, on the side of a one-story plaza near my house is a sign that says "Siamese Connection" with an arrow pointing downwards. Now, to my credit, I was unfamiliar with what that actually was when I first saw the sign, but when I saw a similar sign somewhere else with the double pipe thing underneath, I finally understood.

The stupid part is that for a shamefully long time (I'm talking a couple of years here), I truly believed that the "Siamese Connection" sign was directing people to a support group for conjoined twins located in a basement or something underneath the plaza. My own logic astounds me.
  • Current Mood
    embarrassed embarrassed
ballroom of memories

turtle sends two to hospital

Actually, it's not the poor turtle's fault. It's the fault of the idiot who parked her car in the middle of the freaking highway and caused a five-car pileup.

Link, or just keep reading:

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My favorite part is when the woman just left. Turtles she'll rescue, but humans? Bitch, please.
  • Current Mood
    lazy procrastinating

(no subject)

Some of the more jaw-dropping things I've heard lately:

From a kid on my schoolbus:
“Saudi Arabians aren’t Muslim, they’re Israelites!”
(The response from a girl who lived in Saudi Arabia as a child: "You know they would probably kill you for saying that, right?")
(from Wikipedia: “…the Qur'an is the constitution of the country, which is governed on the basis of Islamic law (Shari'a). Saudi Arabia is strict on tradition and does not permit religious freedom and bans all visible forms of non-Muslim worship.”)

From my mom:
“Jewish men aren’t circumcised, and everyone else is. That’s how the Nazis could tell who was Jewish.”
(…my mom is a university professor, by the way. o_O)

My Mum Tried to Win the Darwin Awards with MY LIFE! (she was already fixed at this point)

My mum and I yesterday over her once leaving me in the car, in the summer, in Vegas, with a blanket over me.

"You know, I still feel bad about the one incident in Vegas?"
"Which one?"
"Where I left you in the car in the heat when you were seven."
"The time you told me to put a blanket on me so security wouldn't see you left me there?"
"Yeah, well, I didn't want the cameras to catch me."
"It was boiling hot in there."
"I swear I was only in the casino gambling for 15 minutes! But I still feel bad. You were nearly dead when I got back."
"You told me to cover myself with a WOOL blanket."
"Yeah, but, y'know, security."

What's better is she then spent the next 20 minutes telling me she felt bad even though she knew she shouldn't because she was 'real quick' gambling. "I don't know WHY I feel bad, I just do."

Here an idiot, there an idiot ...

First bit of stupid:

I'd first called DirectTV after my sister in law died in March to cancel the service. The nice guy on the other end of the phone waived the termination fee. The next bill came, all was well.

Fast forward a few months. We get another monthly statement. It now has the $175 early termination fee.

I call Customer Service and re-explain the situation. She tells me "Yes, they can waive the fee." She then gives me a choice in how to accomplish this. My choice? $60 in prepaid FedEx charges to return the equipment, or send them a copy of her death certificate (basically a 39¢ stamp).

Gee that's a tough one; 39¢ or $60 to waive an early termination fee? I'm going to have to think about that.

Second bit of stupid:

As soon as the paperwork came from the State allowing me to act on behalf of the my sister-in-law's estate, I started the process of getting things in order. One of these things was getting her mail forwarded to our house. So, on May 24th I went to her postal branch and filled out the form. We've received very little mail. I went to our branch and asked if things were being returned to sender. Nope they had added her name to our address.

The other day I went to her town to do some business and check on her house. Curious, I opened her mailbox. To my shock, her mailbox was stuffed full. As I withdrew the mail handful by handful, I notice that there were postmark dates of June. Hmm.

I bring the armfull of mail with me to her branch, because I've learned they'll always say they deliver what they get, so it's hard to state they're doing their job when a month's worth of mail is piled in front of them. I asked for the Postmaster, instead I got the Supervisor of the carriers. This guy couldn't supervise a bag of hammers if his life depended on it.

So, I explain the situation. Then he takes the nearly month's worth of mail and scoots away to the inner workings, reappearing some five minutes later. Without the mail. He explains to me that it's a substitute carrier and that it will be taken care of.

I asked him where my mail was. He said he was forwarding it. After I'd explained to him that it was forwarded to *MY* address. At first I thought he was kidding. But then I realized there was no playful twinkle in his eyes.

He was dead serious. He was going to forward the mail to me, after taking it from me.

*head explodes*

How these people manage to breathe is beyond me.
FN: Bubbles

Vegetarian Fish

I work for a company with a lot of vegetarians, so naturally the canteen offers a vegetarian option.

Friday this vegetarian option was... roasted salmon.

Yes, I know that some people who call themselves vegetarians eat fish, but most don't, and it's definitely not something a catering company could count on/take for granted.

Not being a vegetarian myself, I don't know what happened... if they complained or not. I just saw it and immediately thought "MTS!!!!"

PS: opalcat I hope your boyfriend is okay!

Assembled mocks

My mother-in-law is a teacher in a pre-elementary school, and one of her former pupils lives in her street. Every morning she sees the mother dropping off her kid at school.
Now this woman hasn't had much schooling, which she can't help, but what is stupid is she refuses to listen when people gently correct her.

First she came to school :

MOTHER : I need to have a mammography of the abdomen

TEACHER : Euhm, how is that ? A mammography is of the breasts, you know, mammary ...

MOTHER : That's not what the doctor said! I need a mammography of the abdomen!

And she stomped off.

Another time she had a gastro-meningitis. Or too much chloresterol

The latest one is she needs a choreography of the knee ...

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Charleroi, a town here in Belgium, has been plagued by political scandals for the past year.

Today on the news : the fact that the town's health management invested 60% of their retirement funds in stock actions, which they shouldn't have done.

What's worse is they invested that money in ... Philip Morris. Yes, the health sector invests in stock from a cigarette producer ( and they thought they'd get away with it ).


My ex-stepmother, not a bright cookie

Me : Yeah, clementines are a cross between oranges and mandarines ( I was informing her because we were talking about these and their differences in taste )

ex-stepmother : wtf, stop taking me for a fool! Do you really think I'd buy that story, I'm not stupid!

Me : euhm... okay.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

Ach! Mein Gott!

This happened awhile ago, but it's always been a classic around me and my friends.

After our divorce, I tried to stay in my ex's weekly Really Lame D&D game, playing a Winged Elf rogue, because I had friends in it. Now, my ex knew I played Nightcrawler in an X-Men table top roleplaying game. During a break in the game, I gave an example of my German Accent...for the funny, and we all talked X-Men for a bit.

Laughs were had, but my ex was annoyed, he hated the idea I was in any other rpg than his. And wasn't a comic book fan, so couldn't follow the convo and ordered everyone back to the game.

In the game, our party was in a inn listening to a halfling bard sing or recite poetry or something, and M., my ex, announced something along the lines that we could tell something about the poem by how it was worded and sounded, that it had a certain pattern to the rhyming and syllables.

Me: "You mean, like "iambic pentameter"?"
Him (snottily and completely serious): "What is that? Some German thing? Are you trying to be all Nightcrawler here? Tossing in random German shit? Like Kurt Wagner?"

Group: *stare*
Group: *STARE*
Me: ...
Group: *BURST out laughing*

Eventually, someone explained that "iambic pentameter" wasn't some German phrase.

Best Part. Ex's last name? Is German.


Had this really annoying/stupid person at work (Department Store, not hospital placement. It was not "bones in the heart" girl.) who simply would not believe me when I said that 3 times $7.50 is $22.50. Righteo, we have these shirts on sale at the moment, 2 for $15, that makes them $7.50 each right? Of course I'm right. Anyway... this woman bought 3 shirts, looked at her reciept

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x posted to gr8walrus

EDIT: sorry bout the error thing. Should be all fixed now. And just to clarify on the "are the shirts on sale or not" issue, the shirts are usually $12, but the price was dropped down to $7.50 for the sale. The company decided to market them as "2 for $15" rather than "reduced to $7.50." Hope that helps :)
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    confused What?