June 19th, 2006

birman kitten

Here a Liz, there a Liz

There are two women named Liz in my company, one of whom is my boss. Today is her birthday and the intern from our department walked around a card for everyone to sign. A lot of people asked "Which Liz is it?" and that's understandable. But the one guy who asked? The other Liz is his wife.

(no subject)

I just keep trying...

Mother has found strange heaps of earth in our garden this morning. So she sends me out on a quest to google - is it a mole or maybe a vole? (haha I didn't know they rhymed in English). Neither of the descriptions really fit our heaps, so I googled Collapse ) and showed it to Mother, saying

"See, this is what's in our garden."

Mother looked, shuddered, and said

"Well, funny, yes, but thank god we don't have them in our country."

I hesitate, wonder Should I?" but couldn't help it: "No, thank god rocket worms only live in Australia."

And she believed me.

(I told her now! She laughs at herself! And she says it's because she wasn't wearing her glasses...)

Too stupid to own a credit card

So up until recently, I was working at an inbound call-centre doing manual card activations for Capital One. Not the best job description ever, I know, but it's at least keeping me liquid. That being said, there are, as with any job of it's type, you're going to get the occasional idiot on the other end of the phone. There were, however, a couple of people who really stood out.

1: A very nice lady, business owner, who said "this is my first credit card. I was so excited when I got it that I accidentally signed the magnetic strip". How the FUCK did you do that?

2: I gave generic instructions how to work an automated system to another customer "enter the last four digits of your SSN, and press the pound key..." His initial response was "which one's the pound key?"

There are a few others but those are the ones that stand out in my mind. It's almost sad that these people are allowed to own credit cards. The only thing worse is that they're allowed to reproduce.

Self mock

Hey all, I've been lurking here for a while but have never had a story funny enough to tell. Well now I do, and it's a self mock.

So last night I went to have a shower. I decided it would be a good idea to shave my legs. I turned the shower head (still running) to face the door. I got out of the shower and noticed the towel was pretty wet, but I didn't think much of it.

Going downstairs to find some clothes I heard a weird dripping noise. I went into the kitchen to find water coming from the roof and the floor wet. I called my mum and she told me to turn all the water off in the house. I spent all night walking around the kitchen and bathroom, trying to find a source of the problem. I then came to the conclusion that the water must have gone down the drain and out through a hole in a pipe.

Today we called in a plumber to check the pipes. He found nothing wrong, and said the water must have come onto the bathroom floor. Then I have a flash back to turning the shower head. Doh! Don't worry, the plumber's time wasn't wasted. We got him to fix our taps which used to make annoying screech noised when turned on.

Yay for self mockage! :)
Corn and Corn Alone!

Tea Store

I went to Disney World with my high school fine arts department last year, and we got the chance to go to Epcot. (One of Disney's parks.) As some of you may know, Epcot is a cultural center that offers several different countries where you can buy foreign souveniers and eat foreign food.

My friends and I went to "England" to explore the shops there. My friend Chaz looked up at one of the stores and noted that it was a tea house. We then had a conversation about what must be inside; tea.

We talked loudly for a minute about going into the tea store, and then went inside. The shelves were totally stacked with boxes and boxes of tea. It was everywhere. We were in there for at least five minutes before my friend Kaitlin cried out, "Hey! There's tea in here!"

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I've been living in Japan for over a year now as an assistant English language teacher. We have a very close-knit community of "foreigners" (meaning us) here and this comes from my friend Erica.

She is, it is important to know for the purpose of the story, black.

She was visiting an elementary school for the first time back in October. While chatting with the students she was surprised and horrified when one suddenly grabbed her arm and licked her. She hurriedly pulled away and asked "What are you doing?!"

His innocently stated excuse was that he wanted to know if she tasted like chocolate.
gay communist lumberjack canadian

Honesty might not be the best policy...

One of my friends is attempting to join the Bay Area's law enforcement team.

In order to be even *considered* for an interview, you have to jump through many hoops. There was a twenty-page application, which included writing an essay on why law enforcement was appealing. He got people to give him good recommendations. He passed the physical tests. And he got the interview.

Hooray for him, right?

Today he had the one-on-one interview with an officer at the sheriff's department, and things were going fantastically... until the officer asked him if he'd ever beat anyone up.

He replied, "Well, I have punched my friends on the shoulder to get their attention and stuff."

"You do know that's considered battery, right?"

Then he was asked if he'd carried a weapon outside of the military.

He said, "Yes, I carried my assault rifle around in my car for three days looking for the people that robbed me at work."

The officer, as politely as he could muster, said he had some areas to improve on.

My friend somehow expects to be called back for a second interview.

The best part?

Last year he applied for a job with the police department and was asked if he'd ever stolen anything.

He replied, "I did steal about $500 worth of CDs and DVDs from work once."

The officer immediately ended the interview saying that his integrity was just a touch lacking to be joining the police department.

Truth be told, I'm glad of his honesty. I'd rather not have him trying to "serve and protect" me.

A short little self-mock.

On my way to work today, I was going to stop at the train station to purchase a new Metrocard*, as my old one had run out. But on my way to the bus stop, I realized the inherent flaw in my plan to take a bus to the train station to buy a new Metrocard.

*Not sure if these are common outside of New York; they're cards that you can use to store fares for buses and subways.

EDIT: Yes, I could have paid with quarters, except that I didn't have quarters with me, because I was planning to use my Metrocard.