June 10th, 2006

Sweet Pea

(no subject)

So, I've always known that my soon-to-be-ex roomate's boyfriend was not intelligent. But a few weeks ago I came home from work and before going into my room, I asked him the score of the Pistons game.

He said, "Man they played horrible. They lost by 15 points. The other team had 90 points and they had like....umm.... uhh like 83 or something.


Keep in mind we're all in our twenties.
candy

Just some old quotes...

Sometimes me and my friends can be...well...you'll see.

Conversation one:
((On the phone))

Friend one: Oh my god! -panicy voice-
Friend two: What?
One: I...can't find...-short pause- my cell phone!
Two: Uhm...where are you?
One: The bus stop.
Two: Well, aren't you TALKING on it then??
One: Oh...Right. Thanks...
- - - - - - - -

Conversation Two:
((While watching a movie. Eurotrip, I believe))

Movie: You'll need to check in two hours before the flight for any international flights.
Friend: But! They're in Germany. Italy isn't international!
Friend 2 and 3 and 4: -stares at other friend-
Friend 1: What!?
Friend 2: Germany and Italy are separate countries...
Friend 1: No! Europe is a...ooh. Nevermind.

Gotta love that late night confusion.
Key on red

(no subject)

I got this lovely story from my brother a few months ago.

One day, in his Spanish class, the teacher (Mrs. S) announces they were going to play Bingo. She hands out sheets, which she had obviously printed out from some website, with a Spanish vocabulary word in each Bingo space. When Mrs. S would say a word in English, they would mark the word in Spanish on their sheet if they had it.

The class starts to play, and my brother glances around at the sheet of the boy next to him--to realize they have the same words, in the same spaces. Looking around further at peoples' sheets around him, he realizes that they do too.

Mrs. S had printed out the same Bingo sheet for the entire class. She was extremely confused when all 33 kids got Bingo at the same time.
Bootless Bear

Age Question.

Last night my date and I were discussing our families, and he seemed pretty surprised when I mentioned that my parents are both well over sixty. After a minute of quiet, he looked at me and asked, "So, how old were you when they had you?"

Umm... o_0
jack

I'm sure this gets repeated a lot, but this really takes the cake

I was watching TV with my dad on Wednesday night and we both saw something. The previous night, these two brothers decided to vandalize Holy Hill (about 20-30 minutes away from Milwaukee). Not so stupid, right?

They made the classic mistake of spraying "Hail Satin"

Their reason for the tagging: "It was Satan's Birthday"

I'm sure the dark lord is laughing at them from Hell.
snark, facepalm

(no subject)

This is a conversation between me and some friends I hang out with at lunch time. We all go to a selective school, so these two are pretty smart. They just have these moments of what I like to call selective stupid - especially Airhead.

Artgirl: Airhead, how come you don't wear anything under your shirt in summer? Your buttons are always coming undone and... *hand gestures*
Airhead: No it doesn't! Nobody ever says that except you!
Artgirl: Well I spend the most time with you!
Airhead: Maggie, you never notice, do you?
Me: Well, people don't notice everyone whose shirt is unbuttoned. I mean if like... [girls in our grade with large breasts] did that, you'd notice, cos they jiggle. But you don't jiggle, so people's attention isn't drawn in that direction.
Artgirl: ...are you bisexual?
Me: O.o Yeah, why...? ...oh LOL. No, that's completely irrelevant.

*silence*

Airhead: I thought you were androgynous?
Me: ...? *splutter* you mean asexual?
Airhead: I think so...?
Me: ...I have a BOYFRIEND, and I'm always fangirling like, Supernatural and, and Ioan Gruffud and... and WTF?!
Artgirl: What's androgynous mean?
Me: It's like when you look like both a guy and a girl or neither.
Airhead: Isn't that a hermaphrodite?
Me: No, that's When you ARE both or neither.

*silence*

Airhead: WAIT, YOU'RE BISEXUAL?!

I cannot begin to list all the things that are wrong with this conversation.

Two mocks

The first incident happened when I was vacationing with my family after university ended. My parents, brothers, uncle, girlfriend, and grandparents were sitting around a table in Disney World discussing the huge amount of work that must be done to keep food in stock considering the amount of people they feed every day. The conversation went like this:

Mom: They must be constantly at work, I've never seen them run out of anything.
Dad: Actually, they did run out of turkey legs today.
Little brother #1: Well no wonder, they only have two!
*the whole table bursts out laughing*
Little brother #2: No, you idiot! They have four!!
*laughter volume increases tenfold*

The second happened while I was working the cash at my job in the mall (retail, boooo). A group of young teenagers came in and looked around for a bit before bringing their purchases to the register. The first four of them were somewhat normal, but the last one was a complete moron.

First, she was trying to figure out a discount on a certain item, which was 15%. She turned to her closest friend and said, "15%... that's like half, right?"

I rang her friend through, and he had a gift card for the store I work at which had $5 on it. His total came to $33 and some change, so he used his card and then I read him the new total, which was a little more than $28 - to which the airheaded girl said "OMG, there was only 3 dollars on that card!!!"

Finally, when it was her turn, I read her total and she pulled a debit card out of her wallet. She held it up in front of her face and looked at it in complete awe. "How do I use this?"

Trying to spare her the agony of overexerting her precious few brain cells, I took it from her and swiped it through. I handed her the pinpad, and she stared at it for a moment before turning to her friend and asking, "Do I click save?"

Click. Save.

*facepalm*
That which yields...
  • incyr

Self Mock, coming up!

So I just moved to a new apartment, but I've had a good supply of kitchen stuff for about 3-4 years now, including a microwave. This is my third apartment with said microwave.

My mom is down for the weekend, helping me get the last of my apartment stuff sorted out and unpacked. We're playing around in the kitchen, putting together some new furniture and such, including a microwave stand. Once it's put together, I put the microwave on it, and start moving it around the kitchen, trying to figure out where to put it.

Mom: Um, did you leave that blue covering on the microwave for a reason?

Me: *Stares at the microwave and finally figures out why FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS it's been blue.*

Me: Ummmm.... no. *Abashedly takes the blue covering off the microwave, revealing the shiny silver surface that matches the face of the microwave.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
life wordle

(no subject)

My housemate, whilst writing out a CV:

"How old was I when I was 16?"




She actually meant to ask what year it was when she was 16.

The main mock comes when, after I'd gone through the impossibly lengthy mental process of adding 16 to 1984, she then asked how old she was when she was 17.
  • Current Music
    RHCP - Snow ((Hey Oh))
Karl Love

(no subject)

Last night I went to a Nine Inch Nails concert.
One of the songs they played was "Hurt", which recently Johnny Cash did a remake of.  Well several years ago, but still pretty recent.
When Trent Reznor came out and started singing the song, the girl next to me went "*gasp* they stole that song from Johnny Cash!!!"  The sad part is everyone in her group seemed to agree with her.
Then she says "wouldn't that be cool if Johnny Cash came out and started singing with him!!!!"  Then I said "you do know Johnny Cash died in 2003 right?" and she said "no way, I would know if he died".  She then argued with me about seeing him on T.V. recently and how could he be on T.V. if he was dead.
I gave up.  I stopped trying to explain how dead people can be on T.V.
  • Current Mood
    cranky cranky
Gargoyle Eye

Another 666 Mock

A pair of high school girls, overheard on June 6, 2006.

Girl 1: Did you know doctors aren’t letting babies be born today, because their birthday would be 666?
Girl 2: Really? All doctors? Everywhere?
Girl 1: Yeah.
Girl 2: Isn’t that like, against the law?
Girl 1: I guess.

I’m not sure how they expected doctors to accomplish this. The scary part was that though they seemed entirely serious, they didn’t seem the least concerned.
Red Mellie

Proofreader needed...

I went to the grocery store to pick up something for breakfast tomorrow morning, and while standing in line at the checkout counter, burst out laughing while reading the sign on the back of the cash register.  A couple of people asked why I was laughing.  I pointed to  the sign:


Prostate Cancer
Drawing Tickets
$2 each or 3 for $5


I think the marketing department needs a proofreader.  Maybe I should apply.

I don't think I'd want to win that drawing.