It took my oldest daughter (must have been about 11 or 12) a very long time to comprehend that metal cannot go into the microwave. She had a habit of putting her dish in the microwave with the silverware in it. We finally decided that maybe it would be a good idea to put a sign on it that simply said, "NO METAL" in big letters. It seemed to solve the problem.
Years later, I noticed that someone had put something covered in aluminum foil in the microwave. I was dumb struck. We had teased her for years about how you don't put metal in the microwave, so it couldn't possibly have been her, right? WRONG! She didn't realize that aluminum foil was made of metal!
Just when you think it's safe to take the notes down....
I looked over at the microwave one day and there was something flaming inside! I looked to see what it was and prevent any further damage. Turned out it was one of my special cups and the flames were coming from the handle. You see, the inside of the cup was metal! My youngest daughter (age 14) decided to reheat a cup of coffee and forgot about the metal!
When I went to Berea College I had a class with a girl who just.... pained me. Basic science. Easy stuff. But yet there were odd occasions like, take for instance this one time we were discussing time as the fourth dimension. In the midst of discussing the book The Time Machine and the way H.G.Wells really helped to promote the theory, she raises her hand, and in this really high pitched confused voice, we all hear...
"What are the other three dimensions?"
That was among the best of her gems. Another time when we were discussing carbon-dating, honest to God she pipes up with, "Does that mean dinosaurs and humans didn't exist on Earth at the same time?" I mean, this was the Harvard of the South. The educational standards to get in were pretty high, so I was boggled how she managed to have a GPA high enough to enter yet still be SO DUMB.
Outside of class, a guy I knew worked with her in of all places the Learning Center on campus where she was a student worker. In one of their seminars on how to help people with their public speaking, she said, "We need to teach them, so, you know, they can conversate better!"
She is one of my favorite topics to conversate with.
On with the self-mock:
A couple of months ago during a discussion with a colleague I tried to move the mouse pointer to a calender on the WALL. A couple of weeks ago it happened again.
And the other day somebody was riding in the back of my car and she was talking very softly. What does yours truly do?
Reach for the radio´s control to turn her volume up ....
Sigh. I need a vacation.
A few years ago, my then-fiancé and me were visiting San Francisco.
We were waiting for the cable car to arrive and started up a little conversation with two teenagers waiting next to us.
Now, I have to mention that I'm a native German and usually get asked where I'm from based on my accent.
Teenager 1: Where're you from?
Me: I'm orig. from Germany.
Teenager 1: So do they speak German in Germany?
Another time, while being in college, I was having a conversation with one of my fellow students. She was interested to learn more about Germany and came up with this:
Student: So do they have refrigerators in Germany?
My hubby is orig. from India and had a somewhat similar experience to the one above in college with one of his fellow students.
Student: So does everyone in India ride to school on elephants?
Hubby (who's a bit of a joker): Yes, and they have special parking lots for them!
Student: Really? Wow!
He seriously believed this until the other people involved in the conversation told him my hubby was pulling his leg... :-)
One time, I was flying to Bangor/Maine from Los Angeles.
"Check-in-lady": Maine isn't in the USA, you need to go check in at the international check-in!
Me: Uhmmm...Maine is in the USA...Stephen King is from there...
*quietly converses with her colleague and then checks me in*
I remember one time my friend was giving me a ride somewhere. The ride was pretty uneventful until one moment where he felt his pockets with his hand, and gasped:
"I lost my keys!"
Now, because the car was moving, and I didn't remember him hotwiring it, I was able to locate them pretty quickly. :)
A while ago I decided that I wanted to go back to college in the fall. Last week I finally got my shit together and applied. Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from the college, telling me that for tuition purposes, I had been classified as an out-of-state resident. I’ve lived in this state my entire life, so I called the school this morning to make them fix it.
After being transfered 3 times, I finally got someone who could tell me why I was considered out of state, and who could fix it for me.
School: You have to have lived in the state for at least 12 months. For current address, you have 6 months, and under previous address, you have one year.
Me: Right, so?
School: So, because you were not at your previous address for 12 months, you’ve been classified out-of-state.
Me: . . . dude, how many months are in a year?
School: Twe- . . . Oooooooooooooooohh!
I’m not so sure about this college now.
PETERBOROUGH, Ont. - A Peterborough man now knows that not only is smoking in a police station illegal - smoking crack in a police station is really illegal.
City police say a man walked into the station early Tuesday morning and asked the desk sergeant for a light.
That's when the man pulled out a partially filled crack pipe.
Needless to say, the man was immediately arrested. The 54-year-old man is charged with possession of a controlled substance.
And here is the kicker: The dumbass was one of my dad's old buddies. Thank Jebus my dad is no longer friends with this guy.