May 31st, 2006

protection

Someone alert Websters!!

So, a few years ago, I worked at a research company. Granted, not everyone was very smart, but they could admit that they were wrong when shown such evidence, some, but not all.

I was sitting in the breakroom with my best friend talking about men. One of the other women who worked there said "Well, all men are M.S.P.'s". Best friend and I look at each other and I say "M.S.P.?" the woman looks at me and says "Yeah, Male Chauvinist Pigs." I blink a couple of times, bite my lip and say, "Ummmm, yeah....'Chauvinist' is spelled with a 'C', not an 'S'" Stupid woman insists that I am incorrect so I get the dictionary I bought for my daughter out of my bag and show Stupid Woman the word, under 'C' and she says....."Well, that dictionary is WRONG!!!"

The brain, it bleeds....
joss whedon
  • braki

(no subject)

Ok, so there's this girl who moved here (Canada) from New Zealand in Grade 11. I've shared Physics and English with her, and since I've met her, she's been nothing but a source of aggravation. I'll call her Jane.

In Alberta, all grade 12 students write a provincial exam for the course in either January or June, depending on when the course ends. For those taking Social Studies and English, students may fill out a form requesting that they write the written component of the exam on a computer. There are spaces at the top of the sheet for the student's name and the teacher's name. When my English teacher handed out these forms, we were currently analyzing a poem in groups. Jane happened to be in my group. We were having some difficulting pulling out some of the things in the poem, so Jane called my teacher, who I'll call... Ms. Doe. "Ms. Doe!" she exclaims.

She then looks down at her request form and says, "Hey... what's our teacher's name?"

I didn't even know what to say.

Also, a few days ago I a had a unit test in Chemistry. My teacher wrote on the board that we should answer the numerical response questions on the lined paper provided. Someone puts up their hand. "So do we put the numerical response answers on the Scantron?"

"No. Put it on the lined paper."

And as if that wasn't bad enough, another girl raises up her hand and says, "So wait... we put it on the question sheet?"

And yes, she was being completely serious. She somehow did not know where to write the answer down.

And for a third bit of stupidity: my English teacher thinks that Latin America is a country.

Your mother should know...

So anyone who knows me pretty much has to know that I'm a huge Beatles fan. One of the main reasons for this is because they wrote and sang their own music. Knowing this, my mom asks to borrow my most recent (at the time) Ringo Starr album. The next morning, after listening to said CD, she comes in my room to inform me that none of the songs were actually written by Ringo.

Mom: Just so you know, Ringo didn't write any of these songs.
Me: ...Yes he did, I'm sure of it.
Mom: No he didn't, I looked at the CD insert and some guy named Richard Starkey wrote them all.
Me: ....
Futurama Holophoner

(no subject)

This is verbatum from the voice recording of a number I called to get removed from a junk mail fax number:


"Now processing request to block our fax number. You will receive a fax
when the block is confirmed."


*Facepalm*
a weekend with my stetson friend

(no subject)

On Monday, my friend and I visited the natural waterslides in Ohiopyle, PA. What the natural waterslides are is this: a wide stream that condenses into a relatively tame rapid about the twice the width of a person. There are three tiers to the arrangement. The intention is to slide down on your butt and plunk in a pool at the bottom. It's fun. And, of course, totally natural. Human hands have not crafted them in any way, shape, or form. Before you can even get on the trail, you are confronted by a large sign that says "NATURAL WATERSLIDES."

So, you can understand my amusement when my friend and I overheard a grown man ask his young son, "Hey, when do they turn these things off?"
Goldie Hawn

(no subject)

I am going to tell you about a girl I will call Paris, because she is very much like the infamous Paris Hilton. She has no talent for anything but partying and picking up any guy horny enough to be willing to risk getting an STI from her. In other words, she's rich and useless and is really fun to mock! We worked together as dining hall staff at a summer camp--she claims to have chosen this job instead of accepting the lead role on a show called Beautiful People. Uh-huh.

Paris: I'm really thir--dehydrated. I used a big word, doesn't it make me sound smart?

At this camp, there's a counselor who travels from London, England to work at there every summer. For a short while, he was Paris's boytoy.
Me: Where, exactly, are you from?
Boytoy: London.
Paris: I thought you were from England!
Boytoy: ...I am.
Paris: Aren't they two different countries?
Needless to say, they broke up shorty after that, and she was teased incessantly by everyone for the rest of the summer.

I can't remember what started this conversation, but it's not important.
Paris: What if I catch that disease that makes you really short and fat and makes your eyes all droopy?
Boytoy: ...Down's Syndrome? (It took everyone a while to figure out what she was talking about, but eventually Boytoy shyly asked this.)
Paris: That's it!
Boytoy: It's not contagious.
No one bothered to explain to her how Down Syndrome actually occurs, it wasn't worth the effort.
  • Current Music
    Jets Overhead - Bridges
Greenie lives

(no subject)

inspired by this post

I work at the local shop on a Saturday, and the other day a man came up to the counter with a bag of large potatoes. I rang these through as baking potatoes (because that's what they're priced as) and off he went.
Five minutes later:

Man: *comes back in and collars me, clutching his receipt* Excuse me, you've sold me the wrong product.
Me: *?!?!?* Let me see that, sir. *looks at receipt* No, this is in order.
Man: But it says baking potatoes. I bought large potatoes.
Me: But, sir, *points at the bag of potatoes* those are baking potatoes
Man: Well I want large potatoes. Can you swap these for the same weight of large potatoes?
Me: Uh, sir, they are basically the same product.
*we wangle this back and forth for a while, me muttering the mantra the customer is always right, him getting increasingly irate*
Me: With all respect, sir what's the difference?!
Man: this is unacceptable! I want to see the manager!

I fetched him the manager, whose reaction on having the problem explained was "WTF?"

But really, will someone explain the difference between a large potato and a baking potato to me? :S

Gotta love customer service...

I work for the bakery/deli department at a local grocery store and I deal with stupidity on a daily basis. I'm amazed that some people manage to get out of bed in the morning, much less function in society.

For instance: A while back, we had a promotion where we sold fresh, hot loaves of Italian bread from 4-7 pm. Italian bread, guaranteed hot and fresh, 4-7 pm. I'm the night shift manager, so this fell during my shift. Lucky, lucky me.

One night, around 8 or so, I had a customer return one of the loaves. I asked why she was returning it. This woman told me, completely serious, "I bought this on my way home from work at 5 and it was barely warm by the time I got it home!"

I just stared at her; my mind blown. There's no WAY this is for real. C'mon...where's Ashton?!

Her eyes narrowed accusingly. "Your sign said GUARANTEED hot until 7."

With all the restraint I could muster, I apologized and directed her to the customer service desk so she could get a refund.

Then I went back to the kitchen where I shared what just happened and we laughed and laughed. :)

Sigh. I weep for humanity.
  • _door_

(no subject)

My friend accidently dropped one of her dads socks in the toilet. She figured hey, its not problem, she would just flush the toilet. Yeah, needless to say it did not work. There is now water all over her floor, and that isn't even the worse part. It went through the vents or something into her downstairs neighbors place and it totally soaked one of their shirts. My friend was too scared to tell the woman where the water actually came from... so she said it was from the sink.

Oh and yes. There was pee in this water.