Rightio, well...I have this darling little friend, we'll call him J. He's cute as a button, but he's probably the dumbest person I know.
The moment I lost all hope in him was about a year ago, when he was sixteen. I took him to a hardware store to get a job application, when he decided to show off his scars. You see, he thought it would be awesome to cut the signature symbols from techno bands into his own skin.
No, this is not the entire subject of the mock. It gets better.
After showing me where he branded the V&V Nation symbol (remarkably similar to a triangle...) into his right hand, he showed me the back of his left hand. The conversation went as follows:
Me: "Uhh...you say that's a techno symbol, right?"
J: "Yeah, cool, huh? It kind of looks like an ankh."
Me: "No, it kind of looks like THE PRINCE SYMBOL."
Me: "Dude, you carved the Prince symbol into your hand." (at this point I start laughing)
J: "Who's Prince? That's techno, right?"
J: "But I Googled 'techno symbol' and this came up!"
Me: "Yeah, well, this artist Prince changed his name to that symbol to get out of his contract once. Now everyone's gonna think you REALLY love Prince."
It's still there. Permanent, deep scar of the Prince symbol over the back of his left hand.
And for some short mocks...
At dinner once, my brother very sincerely asked if cheese was a fruit or a vegetable.
Days later, my boyfriend's sister asked what animal chicken comes from.
May I present to you, my sister in law.
She is severely epileptic to the point where she is on a ton of medication for it. if she misses one pill, she could end up at the bottom of the steps with a broken collar bone and busted leg, again.
She has been known to have more than two seizures a day.
She has had reactions to medications before so the ones she is taking are as intense as they can get without giving her too many problems.
Now, sister in law wants to get pregnant. That doesn't bother me.
Or atleast didnt until she told me she's not going to take the medication her DR reccomended for her to use during the pregnancy she wants so bad. SHe's worried the medication will affect the baby and since she can't be pregnant on her OTHER medication she's leaving off that, too.
If she has a seizure, she can die and kill the fetus as well. If she has a seizure during delivery, she can die. Its a higher chance without the special pregnancy safe medicines. Higher by a severe amount.
"Thats a risk I'm willing to take. Atleast, if the baby doesn't survive. I can be happy knowing I tried."
Don't be stupid. You'll be misrable.
Mainly through being utter tightwads, my grandparents have acculumated quite a bit of money over the years. About 20 years ago they put money in savings bonds for their grandchildren, which matured this year. We each received £1,000. Mine is still sitting there because I don't have any grand projects in mind and would feel bad for frittering it away. My cousin Francesca used hers to fund a working holiday in Australia when she graduated uni (a not uncommon thing for people in the UK to do). When my Nan found out she said in utter astonishment "Why would she want to go to Australia? You can see kangaroos on the tv. She should have bought a nice set of plates instead."
I was reading a cooking magazine I subscribe to and in the letters/corrections section the publishers apologized for an error they made in last month’s issue in a recipe for trout mousse for Passover. It called for a cup of clam juice.
I work for the corporate office of a healthcare company. I called one of our new clinics and asked the manager for the name of the social worker in her unit so I could update the distribution list for that unit in our email system. She said she didn’t know the woman’s name, but that she was already an employee of the company (she just moved to a this new unit). After a pause, the manager says “so do you still need her name?” Uh, well, seeing as we have about 20 social workers in our company, I’d say YES.
My husband was having lunch with his boss a few months ago. They were eating pizza slices. His boss covered his slice of pizza with pepper (the whole thing was practically black w/it), he picked it up, took a bite and exclaimed “Wow! They really make a spicy sauce here!”
I'm a guinea pig in a study for a herpes vaccine. I'm also a lesbian. Behold the doctor trying to prevent me from getting herpes...
Doc: Here's some condoms to take with you.
Me: Remember? I don't sleep with men.
Doc: You can still get herpes!
Me: *blank stare* Yes I know. But condoms aren't going to help.
Doc: *quizical look, then lightbulb*