I work in the automotive department of a store, and we have our share of winners, but this was one of my favorites:
Me: How can I help you?
Stupid: I need new tires for my car.
Me: What kind of car do you have?
Stupid (after about five minutes of thinking): Um... a Ford.
Me: What kind of Ford?
Stupid: Um, an Explorer, I think.
Me: What year.
Stupid: Oh, I don't know...
Me: Why don't we go out to the car and see...
Stupid (stopping in front of a vehicle): This one's mine.
Me: Um... this is a Jeep Wrangler...
I know a lot of people don't know much about cars, but is it too much to ask that you know what you're driving?
A conversation between two (ex) housemates went something like...
Housemate one:"How much does it cost to fill up your tank with petrol these days because I swear it's a lot more expensive than it was when I first got my car."
Housemate two:"Do you know what? Mine costs more now too, I'm sure."
Both housemates: *ponder*
Housemate two:"Well the tanks can't have gotten any bigger! Do you think that the tanks have gotten holes in and petrol is leaking somehow?"
Me:"Did it occur to you it might actually be due to an increase in the price of the petrol that you're putting in your tank?!"
I'm so glad I don't live with them anymore.
Oh man. This was almost painful.
So, I went to Wal-Mart to buy a few random things, including super glue. I proceed to one of the 4 cashiers and wait in a rather long line (this in itself is stupid enough - 4 of the 30 checkouts open at 5:30 on a weekday). Finally, I get to the cashier, she starts ringing my items. She gets to the super glue, rings it, and asks for ID (you have to be 18 to purchase it, I'm 22). I hand her my license. She stares at it blankly for a good 20 seconds.
Cashier: ... You have to be 18 to buy this.
Me: ... Yeah ...
Cashier: It says you were born in August.
Me: *blank stare* Uh-huh.
Cashier: ... of 1983.
Me: *blank stare* Uh-huh.
Cashier: *stares at me* *stares at ID* *stares at me*
Cashier: ... So ... are you old enough to buy it?
Me: o.O ... *tries not to let my head explode* ... Yes.
Cashier: Are you sure? *still staring at the ID*
Me: *looks at other people in line who are getting impatient*
Other people: *snicker*
Cashier: Ok, well if you're sure.
Cashier: *looks at ID again* so ... 1983 ...
Cashier: *clearly trying to do math in her head*
Other customers: *in unison* SHE'S 22!!!
Cashier: Oh. *hands me ID*
Me: *finishes purchase* *walks out of store* *dies*
It must be about ten or fifteen years at LEAST since plastic bags started having huge obtrusive warnings all over them saying "DON'T GIVE THIS TO YOUR BABY! IF YOU DO AND YOUR BABY DIES YOU CANNOT SUE US!" So the other day doing night fill, what do I see? A baby. I'm no good with baby ages, but toddlerish. Her mother was wandering up and down the aisle looking for something, leaving her baby in the cart at the end, thoroughly unsupervised. And yes, she was playing with a plastic fruit bag. She loved it! Apparently the game she was playing was called "see how much of this terriffic thing I can fit in my mouth at once!" The mother came back, seemed unfazed by the fact that her baby had a plastic bag in her mouth, and continued shopping.
A few months ago, we were discussing the differences and similarities between different religions in our history class. And then, all of a sudden, a girl asks:
"So wait.. Muhammad and Jesus were the same person?!"
A cooking lesson going on between two of my relatives -
Relative 1: Ok, so what do you do with the rice?
Relative 2: Put it in a pan of lightly salted water...
Relative 1: Do they sell lightly salted water in supermarkets?
A girl I work with does not understand why we chose to have our "666 Party" on 06/06/06, since that's a Tuesday and not on Saturday like she thought.
"No one will show up since it's not a weekend day"
The same day she asked me if I had any kids, and I told her I didn't. Then she asked me how old I was and when I told her 30, she said "I guess that means you're never having any!". Another server overheard this and said something to the effect of "Umm...guys in their 70s have been known to have kids, what are you talking about?"
I feel sorry for this girl. She's pretty stupid, and not very good looking either. Maybe a rich relative will die and she'll survive somehow!
A new girl got hired at my job and my boss was introducing her to me. She said, "You must know each other since you go to the same school!"
I go to MSU and there are about 45,000 students.