May 16th, 2006

Wicked dinascully

(no subject)

Haha. This just in from the Quote Data Base (http://qdb.us/).

#57266 (34/34)

This idiot in the next apartment up stole my garbage bin three times in as many months. The first couple of times I was all "oh crap, another expense" but I went looking around the grounds and sure enough find my bin marked number "4" sitting outside her apartment, number "14"
third time was two months ago, and I called her on it, rang the bell at 7am asking why the fuck my bin was on her doorstep. She said it's her bin. "See.. four..." she points at it. Now, she didn't look that stupid, just an average white girl, young 20s
So I'm all like telling her she lives in number 14, and then she gets really confusing, and a couple of things she says doesn't make sense about the numbers we're talking about
turns out she thinks "14" and "4" are the same number, and no explaining to her makes her think any different. It was freaky. She was genuinely so badly educated she couldn't count past 10. She's really confused about the fact there can be both a number 14 and number 4 in the same address, cos they're "the same number".
So I tell her she's going to need to get her own bin and not use mine, and she's still insistent that I should get my own "4" bin and this "4" bin was hers.
In the end I contacted estate management who had the same confusing conversation with her. They didn't get anywhere, and after six weeks screwing around with it we all agreed we'd get a new damned bin and split the cost between us, write our names on them and go ahead with our lives.
She went out, bought the bin - fricken $30 for a hunk of plastic with wheels. I had to pay her $15, so I rocked up and gave her a $5, and she went away happy, and I got a brand new clean bin.
stupid people are so much fun. Eventually.

EDIT - okay, I was too tired to judge for credibility when I submitted this. I'm not denying that people make up stuff on IRC (where these quotes mostly come from) to get quoted and people submit fake quotes sometimes, but, as readers of this community, we know human stupidity had the power to astound us just when we think we've seen it all. So, it could happen.
BOOMstick

(no subject)

Somehow I'm the only one of four daughters with a functioning brain. Its too much to go into but anyway:

(In the midst of some conversation...)
Big Sister: Blah blah blah... I know. It was invented by the Catholics.
Me: No... it's been around since the early days of Christianity.
Big Sister: Catholicism came first, actually.
Me: *blink* Uh... no...
Big Sister: The Catholics invented Christianity.
Me: BUH?

She's gained absolutely nothing in college but the firm belief that she is now *completely* right about everything because some professor told her.

Edit: Uhm, I seem to have put my foot half in my mouth with this post, I apologize. I don't want to just outright delete it while people are still replying to one another, though. Basically it had been my understanding from years of CCD that Christianity was the foundation of Catholicism, or whatever Catholicism we were being taught. That Christianity was an idea from which they formed Catholicism and some of the other faiths. My sister was suggesting that some members of the Catholic church sat around one afternoon (I guess) and decided to break off and form their own faith called "Christianity".

As someone who has very little understanding of anything I wasn't taught in CCD (And subsequently tried my damnedest to forget) I assumed this was wrong, and in trying to read through all of the responses I guess she was right in her own way. Either way, this is the only community I've seen handle a post like this with so much tact, so thank you. :)
essential qualities for doing the IB

the quiet French Rs

Susan is a special girl I know from school. No other context is really needed to understand the following. ;))

Susan: How do you say 'dog' in Spanish?
Me: Perro.
Susan: No, that's how you say 'because'.
Me: Uh, no...you're probably thinking of 'but', but that only has one R.
Susan: What the hell are you saying? 'But' doesn't have any Rs in it!
Me: I meant 'but' in Spanish, 'pero'.
Susan: It still doesn't have any Rs.
Me: Yes it does. P, E, R, O. Pero.
Susan: Ohhhh...so it has like, a quiet R then?
Me: A quiet R?
Susan: You know...like the French Rs.

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Truthfully she's also a very, very nice person. She goes out of her way to help anyone who needs it, and I've honestly never seen her get irritated or snap at anyone in the five years I've known her, no matter how people may be acting towards her. That is why I do have a minimal amount of patience for her insane levels of stupidity, *grins*.
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    Auf Achse, Franz Ferdinand
boo

(no subject)

Here in New England we've been having horrible rains and flooding. With a few months of rain in just a few days the roads and bridges are, naturally, getting damaged or destroyed.

Some people are stupid beyond belief. Stupid of the magnitude that if they should get themselves into trouble, they should be left to their own devices to bobb downstream amidst the white caps.

One bridge in my town was cordoned off and closed. Draped across the entries to each side of the bridge was yellow cautionary tape across it that reads "Police Line - Do Not Cross."

What do I see Sunday afternoon?

People walking across the bridge with their cameras and children in tow. The bridge is unsafe for cars. Do they think it's any safer for foot traffic?

I witnessed a person in a pick-up move the tape, drive the truck to the bridge's edge and put the yellow tape back up. Presumably they were going to drive over to the other side and repeat the process of tape moving to continue on their journey. There was no other reason for doing that. I guess it's too much hassle to drive into the Village and take a right and meet the other end of the road.

I bet if I hung around longer, I'd have witness more acts of stupidity.
nice legs

(no subject)

Several years ago while I was a student I lived with a girl called Lucy who wasn't exactly the brightest spark in the universe.
We were walking down the street one night a few days before Bonfire Night and some fireworks went off in the distance. After they finished we had the following exchange:

Lucy: Oh it's a shame they used broken fireworks.
Me: Huh?
Lucy: Well they didn't make the noise at the same time as they exploded, i guess they were cheap ones.

While this is probably worthy of a post on it's own it gets even better. After a couple of minutes of *head-desking* my friend and I explained that light travels faster than sound (this took most of the rest of our 20 minute walk home, but I digress). Just when we thought she'd finally grasped the concept she came out with the following gem:

Lucy: So is that why their lips look funny when they talk in those kung-fu videos you watch?

A recent conversation...

So, I'm on the job hunt again, and I was ranting about how stupid Promedica is for listing all of their entry-level positions as "internal only", as in only Promedica employees can apply for said positions. That doesn't make any sense? Who wants to be demoted? Ok, whatever... so after the rant, this somewhat typical AIM conversation ensued... and then it got stupid..... She is a very, very wonderful girl, really, but still....

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(no subject)

While waiting for school to start:

Girl: One time, I was in basketball practice at my old school, and a hurricane formed right over us!

Me: Hurricanes can't form that quickly, and they don't form over land. Maybe you mean a tornado?

Girl: No, it wasn't a tornado! It was a hurricane!

Me: Are you sure?

Girl: Yes! It happened in hurricane season!

(no subject)

Earlier this year I was sitting in art class working on a painting when a girl in my grade (not a bright one) comes up with the bottle of Violet paint and asks "Is this purple?"

Now MAYBE I'd be more understanding if there were other similar-looking colors with the violet and she was confused by the name(?), but what were the other colors? Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, and Orange.

*Shakes head*
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
KH bats

I'll have the turkey, please

My very close friend (whom I'll call Ashley to save her from complete and utter embarrassment) has lived a strangely sheltered life, yet intermixed with some serious issues. This makes for an interesting friendship. This past weekend we all went out; she and her husband, their 11-year-old daughter, my husband and me and our two daughters, 2 and 3 years old. The discussion revolved around the movie and book The Chronicles of Narnia and proceeded as follows:

Ashley: Well, then the boy told the witch that all he wanted was Turkish Delight. I just didn't get that.

Me: Turkish Delight? Is that a cookie or a candy? (I've heard of both, and assumed it was relative to the conversation)

Ashley: I don't know --

Ashley's daughter: It's candy, mom, but it's kind of LIKE a cookie. We had them in class.

Ashley: I don't understand... why would a kid want a cookie or candy that is made out of turkey?

All of us: ... O.o Huh?

Me: No, woman, it's TURKISH. Like as in the country, TURKEY?

Ashley: What? Nuh-uh!!! There's a country?

I love her, I swear I do, but OMG. Her parents are to blame. They have to be!!!
bookworm bookshelf

(no subject)

Thought I'd share a photo. I caught this sign in my small town yesterday afternoon. I stopped to snap pictures. This was on BOTH! sides... Two hours later, someone had caught the mistake and changed the sign to advertise something else.


You'd think they'd ask someone who could spell to do the sign. *duh*

This one was so bad, I'm sending it in to Jay Leno.
sheep

(no subject)

I was going to make some sort of clever remark about how someone must have missed a day in sex ed or something, but I honestly can’t think of anything to explain this conversation between my friends.

SHAYNA: If you have sex in the water…don’t you die?
KRISTIN: NO.
ME: Maybe if there’s a shark.
SHAYNA: No, you do. It pushes the water up in there…it’s just a big air pocket.
KRISTIN: You won’t die.
SHAYNA: Uh huh, ‘cause the water gets shoved way up in there…
KRISTIN: WHO SAYS THEY HAVE TO PUSH THAT HARD?

The magigal world of too long plastic bags

Today I saw a dude who must've been dropped on his head when he was a baby.

Dude: *sitting in front of trash bin*
Me: *taking stuff out from a closet close the dude*
Dude: *Is holding a package of big, black plastic bags that are supposed to be put in big dumpsters. Takes one out of the roll.. and throws it in the thrash bin. Takes another out.. and throws it away again. Takes another reeeeally slowly out.. and throws it away too!*
Me: (thinking: "don't ask him what he's doing.. don't ask him..")
Guy: "Hey! What do you think you're doing!?"
Dude: "They become too long! Why do they keep doing it!?"
Guy: "They are for BIG DUMPSTERS you idiot!"
Me: *has to go away so the dude wouldn't notice I'm laughing*


So, apparently his logig is = every plastic bag comes from the same kind of package if you just try hard enough :D


EDIT: this is mock_the_stupid, not grammar_nazis. Go to post this in the right place if you want to be that anal with grammar, please.
dog girl

(no subject)

I've got four completely separate stories for you all (they all happened on different days, I was just too lazy to make the posts at the time).

Story the first:

I was about to buy a mom's day present when the woman in line in front of me sees her family walking by the store out in the mall. She was trying to flag them down and ended up having to run out there to catch them so she didn't lose them again.

Anyways, as she and her husband are walking back into the store so she can finish with her purchase, this is the conversation I hear...

Woman: So did you pick up that stuff?
Husband: No, it was a cash-only store and I don't have any cash on me so I had to leave it all there.
Woman: Well how much was it? I'll just give you the money...
Husband:I don't know! There was no prices on anything in there! starts rambling about how bad that is
Woman: It's a DOLLAR STORE, Brian, how much do you think everything was?!

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Story the second:

The boyfriend and I had gone to go see Silent Hill. We got up to the counter and tell the girl we want two tickets for Silent Hill. She asks for ID which surprised both of us because neither of us has EVER been carded at the movies, but no big deal, we each hand over our driver's licences. She takes mine first, looks at the year I was born, which is 1985, uses a calculater (as if that's not bad enough) to figure out that I'm 20 years old (I was born in October), says ok and gives me my ticket.

Then, she takes my boyfriend's licence (this is where the stupid comes in) sees that he was born in 1984 and has to use a calculator AGAIN to figure out how old he was. He's a year older than me, if I'm old enough than certainly he is too! I really don't think calculators should be allowed in math class until at least the 11th grade...no one knows how to do really, really simple math in their heads anymore.

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Story the third:

I work at a grocery store and this woman still makes me laugh whenever I look at our shopping carts.

This woman (about 40 or 45) was walking around the store with that flappy thing up on one of the terribly beat up and old carts (the thing that flips up so all the carts can stack together). She could not, for the life of her, figure out why all her stuff was falling out the back of her cart. Not even looking around at any of the other carts clued her in.

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Story the fourth:

My mom has been looking at mediterranian cruises for next year's vacation. She stopped in at a travel agency to get some ideas and one of the travel agents told her about the cruise she just got back from that went to Italy, Greece, France and Turkey. The travel agent told her that as they were pulling into one port someone was saying that you could see the tomb of Alexander the Great's son from where they were. The travel agent turns around and says "I always thought Alexander the Great was a made up character, you know, like Pocahontas!"

Stupid people make my head hurt. Alot.
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magical trevor

(no subject)

I'm surprised this hasn't been posted yet.

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=386136&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source=&ct=5

Popular broadcasting corporation the BBC interviewed the wrong man on its 24 hour news channel. They were meant to interview Guy Kewney, an IT expert, about music downloading, but they ended up interviewing this guy instead, who was either a taxi driver or there for a job interview, depending on who you believe.
personal blogging

Ah, finals week - when the stupid comes out to play!

My sister is a student teacher who is finishing up her second semester teaching history and civics in a city high school. One student in particular has been a problem all semester, turning in poorly done work or not bothering at all. Until her final paper, anyway, which was extremely well written and erudite. Too erudite, actually. So my sister started googling - the girl had copied it, word for word, from a paper by a Harvard Law professor - including the abstract and the copyright notice. Apparently it didn't occur to her to actually read the paper she was plagiarizing, or at least scan it for a copyright.