May 14th, 2006

Twi'lek

(no subject)

The IMDb message boards are a veritable mecca for stupid. And of course, when reading about politically-charged films such as United 93, the stupidity increases tenfold. The majority of posts in the United 93 board are about various conspiracy theories, and while the rare few may have a halfway decent point, some are just painful.

The posters in this thread were discussing the collapse of the WTC towers. Several posters suggested that the government must have wired them with explosives...


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band

(no subject)

In fourth grade, my friend Christina and I did a science fair project about airplanes. To demonstrate some of the concepts and grab people's attention, we made a ton of paper airplanes and stacked them in front of our posterboard. A boy came up and, with the encouragement of his father, began to fly the paper airplanes straight into the posterboard. Of course, he knocked it over, right into the display on the other side. So we made a sign reading "PLEASE DO NOT FLY THE PAPER AIRPLANES INTO THE BOARD."

Maybe fifteen minutes later, the boy came back. His father crouched down to his level and said, "See what the sign says, Matt? It says to not fly the airplanes into the poster. But you can't read, Matt, so you just do whatever you want."
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Cut you!
  • shinga

(no subject)

A moment ago Sister(age 17) came in the room asking if I knew where the band-aids were. When I asked why, she told me this story.

Apparently a few moments before in another room, Other Sister(age 13) had come to ask Sister where the band-aids were. When Sister asked why, she said she'd cut herself on the thumb... with a comb.

Sister: You cut yourself with a comb? Was it a flea comb, as least? Because those are metal.
Other Sister: No, a regular comb. *holds up a normal, plastic comb* See?
Sister: Where you raking your thumb on it to make noise or something?
Other Sister: Yes.
Sister: Bull shit. There's no way you can cut your thumb just by raking it on the comb. See, I'll prove it to you. *takes the comb*

Which of course led to Sister coming to my room, holding her thumb in pain, asking for band-aids.
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Abundance

(no subject)

So I haven't been to the liquor store in a while and figured I'd pick up a few bottles of this and that because my bar's looking pretty bare.  I pull in and the parking lot is surprisingly empty for a Saturday, and it doesn't look open.  Was I mistaken on their business hours?   Maybe, but 3:00 P.M. seems like a time when the liquor store should be open so I went to check out the posted hours on the door to see what was going on. 

Posted on the door was a sign that said:

"Closed until May 31 for sailing to miners.
Sorry for the inconvenyense."