May 4th, 2006

Tigger

Who is Men?!

Last year, at a yearbook signing party, my admirer wanted me to sign something memorable on his body. I wrote “I love MEN” on his back. My other friend was watching me and freaked out. “M-E-N? Who is Men?”
She didn’t figure it out even after saying it out loud several times and she unknowingly gave me away.

(no subject)

i go to a good school and a few months back i was giving blood on campus. as the blood was leaving my arm, i overheard this converstaion between another student and the nurse.

Nurse: "Ok, im gonna stick the needle in now, you'll fee-"
Student: "WAIT! Theres a needle involved!?!?"
Nurse: "Umm, yes, thats how we get the blood out."

I just hope this student isnt a health science major, that would be sad.

Coworkers

This happened yesterday at work...I get so tired of working with morons - you have no idea.

A certain employee, TB, is on a business trip. The trip was arranged by coworker JM. The trip was for TB to leave from here, go to Toronto, then go from Toronto to New Brunswick, then from New Brunswick back here. So, simply said, TB was to arrive and leave from the SAME AIRPORT in the SAME CITY each time. Sounds pretty obvious and simple, no???

TB called yesterday, a tad upset. Why? Because TB was at the airport and there was no flight. Do you know why? Because JM booked the flight to GO TO Saint John New Brunswick but booked it to LEAVE FROM St. John's Newfoundland. Now for people who don't know, not only are these two cities written differently and in two COMPLETELY different provinces, but one of them is on an ISLAND and not even on the mainland. So even if TB would have wanted to, they wouldn't have been able to drive (535 kms as the crow flies) to the other city. And, it might be important to add here that JM has lived in Canada their entire life and prides themself on being such a great administrative assistant that they should get an executive assistant position, especially because they are the OLDEST member of the assistants (55).

And let's not even go into how long it took to explain to JM what they had to do to fix this problem. And then people wonder why I feel like I have to be a mommy to these morons.
savannah
  • jenny0

Condiment woes

When my brother and I were wee, my grandmother used to say 'Oh no! Someone's been putting water in my ketchup!!'

But then they fixed the whole water-separating-from-tomatoey-goodness issue by inventing the upside down ketchup bottles: Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Let me repeat: The whole point of buying these particular bottles is that you squeeze the ketchup out the bottom to avoid the separated watery bit on top. Notice that even if you're a little confused by all this modern flim-flammery, the label shows you which way is up. And anyway you can still buy the regular squeeze/pour-from-the-top models.

So, the restaurant where our office goes for lunch a couple times a week has these newfangled upside-down ketchup bottles. Want to guess how they set them (and the similarly-designed mustard) out on the tables?

I've even turned them the right way round at neighbouring tables (while they were empty, of course) and seen the waitresses turn the bottles back over.
  • Current Music
    Staind - Right Here Waiting

I am Canada's Worst Handyman

This earned me a day's worth of mockery from my co-workers.

I was asked to build a desk for our furniture consultant, who was busy that day, and I agreed, since it means I didn't have to deal with customers for an hour or two.

I take everything out of the box and begin by trying to screw the first screw into the premade hole. It won't go in. At all. It's a very long screw, flat-bottomed, so it's difficult to steady it and place pressure on it at the same time, so three or four times I slip and cut myself with the screwdriver. After fifteen minutes, I've failed in screwing the first screw and my hand is bleeding.

In desperation, I take a hammer and try to pound the flat-bottomed screw into the hole. No dice.

At this point, I was ready to just give up, deciding this desk or screw must be faulty in some inexplicable way...

Until I realize I'd been turning the screw in the wrong direction the entire time.
  • Current Music
    The Fray - How To Save A Life

classmates can be so funny outside school

Some years ago - we were 15 or 16 years old - some of my classmates and I stood at the bus stop waiting for the bus to take us home. An ambulance with its blue light and its hooter on drove past. Then I overheard this conversation:

Classmate 1: "Why do ambulances use blue light and hooter?"
Classmate 2: "Well, if a driver doesn't see the blue light, then at least he can hear the hooter."
Classmate 1: "And what happens to deaf drivers?"
Classmate 2: "Well they can at least see the blue light."
Classmate 1: "And what happens to drivers, who are deaf AND blind?"
Classmate 2 (mockingly): "Oh you mean those who only drive 30 on the freeway, right?"

As if someone who is deaf and blind could ever get a driver's license!
deeeeer

woof

I was talking to one of my friends the other day. He is 26 and very intelligent, he in fact codes programs for Microsoft or something fancy.

Guess he's not so...uh...smart any other way.

Me: *talking about my chinchillas*
Him: Oh! They're so cute! Can I feed them chocolate?
Me: Uh...feeding animals chocolate generally is very bad for them.
Him: Oh. I fed my dog chocolate!
Me: Uh..
Him: Reeses peanut butter cups!!
Me: You shouldn't do that, it can make them sick.
Him: But they taste so good, so I fed him it anyways.
Me: o___O;
Him: Well if it tastes good it can't hurt him anyways.
Me: but...
Him: So can I feed the chinchillas ice cream?

Erg. Maybe it was just me...but doesn't every dog owner know not to feed chocolate to their dogs? I thought it was...common pet owner knowledge. And he has TWO dogs. I shudder to think what else they've eaten.
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    busy