April 25th, 2006

hell yeah

The latest reminded me of this story...

I too work at a school, specifically one that contains humans of the 10-14 years of age nature. A senior faculty member gave me this absolute GEM of a justification for my policy of telling students to wait three seconds after they think they know the answer before saying it. What makes this even better is that we had just done a schoolwide activity about voting, and whether kids should have the right to vote, etc.

Social Studies teacher: As we all know, illegal immigrants do not have the right to vote. Who can tell me about another group of people who can't vote?

*awkward silence, which you do not want to hear when other faculty members are observing your class*

Desperate s.s. teacher: Anyone?


*girl in the back shyly raises hand*

Pupil, in all seriousness: Plants!

*laughter from all sources*


There's this girl in the office that I'm actually quite nice to, most of the time, basically because she makes me laugh. Like today.

Apparently, their department secretary was out sick, and her boss asked her to fax some important contract to Hong kong. I went to get a drink of water and found her angry almost to tears at the fax machine, because it was a really, really, really important contract and the boss is going to be mad if it doesn't get done, but the fax machine is broken!"

Having just used the fax machine twice today, I knew it wasn't broken, so I figured she just might have been doing something wrong. So I decided to stand by and watch her follow the prescribed steps as taped right above the fax machine. I even checked to see if she might have been faxing the document wrong side down, which is quite understandable.

She was following the steps perfectly. The fax transmitted, we even have proof, that little piece of paper that records the transmittal. I thought it was fine, and was about to go back to my office when she stamps her foot angrily.

"See? See? I've done that six times already and the document keeps coming back!"

Sigh. She is quite pretty, but I'm not sure if that makes up for it.
  • Current Music
    Gackt - Black Stone
Lily Haloween

(no subject)

A while back, I worked with a girl who just had no common sense. She spent most of her time flirting with the guys we worked with. They all said, "She's cute but dumb as a brick."

One day, she was on register one. A manager gave her a cart of items and told her, "These need to be scanned in, 50% off."

So she's staring at the screen after scanning one item. She quietly says, "50% off of 6.00... ummm... 3... no...2."
Then she scans something that is currently sold at regular price, not scheduled to go on clearance, and is NEW. You can tell it is NEW by the big "NEW" sticker on the bottle. And there is a new display. Instead, she puts it at 50% off. So we've got new product at 50% off. Thing that were 6 dollars selling for 2 dollars on "half off."

The only time I ever talked to her, she told me that all she really did was party, and that she "didn't learn shit in school." No kidding. About a week later, she quit because the job was too stressful. Yes... balancing a part time job, no school, and partying. I can understand the immense level of stress there.

Darwin Honourable

If anyone reads the Darwin Awards, you are familiar with stories involving near-misses. My sister is a paramedic in training, and one of her co-workers related a story that would certianly qualify.

One day not too long ago, my sisters co-worker gets a call to a house a couple of towns away from where I live, to find a young man with a bloody hand, and his dick stuck in a shampoo bottle.

Aside from the question that has to be raised about using a shampoo bottle as a masturbation aid in the first place, comes the question of the bloody hand. Apparently, in a panic, this idiot decided that he would be well advised to attempt to cut his own way out of the shampoo bottle, and, while that failed, he managed to cut his hand rather badly while he was at it.

(no subject)

A few months back, we had a requirement for a billboard design. At the presentation, the client tells me she doesn't think the logo is big enough. (It was 1/6 of the entire billboard.) Here's the conversation.

CLIENT: The logo is too small, I don't think people will be able to see it.

ME: Ma'am, it's going to be a 14 X 48 foot billboard, and your logo is 1/6 of it. Believe me, it's highly visible.

CLIENT: No, I think it's too small. Really.

ME: (drawing on the paper) We can increase it to maybe this size. Any bigger and it won't work.

CLIENT: It's still too small. I can barely read our name.

ME: Ma'am, it's going to be a 14 X 48 foot billboard, believe me, it's highly readable. It just looks small on the comp.

CLIENT: I'm not so sure...

ME: Ma'am, it only looks small, because that's a print out. It's going to be a 14 X 48 foot billboard. Please. Believe. Me. It's. Going. To. Be. Very. Visible.

She looks at it again, very unsure. Then she takes a deep breath, exhales, and turns to me.

CLIENT: Well, can you just go back to your office and print it actual size?

Yes, they are still our clients. No, I never presented my work personally to them anymore.


Background information. I'm going on holiday with the family, including some non immediate, to America this year. We're going to see the Grand Canyon for a day trip, but my Nan isn't too sure. I had this phone conversation last night:

Me: Are you looking forward to our trip then?
Her: Yes, but I'm still a bit unsure on the Grand Canyon...
Me: Why? It'll be great.
Her: I'm just uncertain whether I want to go, I mean after all, it's just a load of bricks, isn't it?

I was blinking down the phone.

North's behind you!

I was coming back from a town about an hour drive from my place and my mother took a VERY unfamiliar road, that lead us deep into the woods.

A bit concerned, I asked her where we were exactly. She told me it didn't matter: she was the one driving I wasn't...

Me: "I'm just a bit lost cause I can't even guess where the North is."
Mom: "Oh, that's easy. North is always behind you."

That's right, my mother firmly believes that North=what is behind you. She refers to left as "West" and right as "East" too... (which doesn't even make sense considering she thinks North is BEHIND and not in front...oh well!).

I'm happy to report I just got home safely.
  • Current Music
    Dope - Spin me Right Round

The joys of a call centre

I work at a call centre for a credit/debit card processor. One of the services we provide is an online reporting system which allows merchants to see their statements and transaction lists online. They have to sign into this system with a username and password, and, inevitably, some of them end up forgetting their username, password, or both at some point. When this happens, I can easily reset the password and remind them of the username. After I reset the password, they sign in with the one I've given them, and then are immediately asked to change it from what I set to whatever they choose. The page where you change your password, when filled in, looks something like this:

Username: USERNAME (auto-filled)
Old Password: oldpassword (auto-filled)
New Password: newpassword
New Password Again: newpassword

Pretty straightforward, no? I had someone today try to fill out the form like this:

Username: USERNAME
Old Password: oldpassword
New Password: USERNAME
New Password Again: oldpassword

She couldn't understand why it wasn't working. She kept saying that there was nowhere for her to enter or confirm her new password. Because it would make absolutely no sense to do this in the boxes marked "New Password" and "New Password Again".

Wall o' Shame

Things I saw on the Wall of Shame at work (I'm a recruiting assistant, ahem, remote scheduler).

"I am a good salesman. Like when I am shopping, I tell people to buy a scarf because it looks good on them, and they buy a scarf. Then my friends say, "Kim, you should be a salesman!"

[Co-Worker]: Okay, and what are your salary requirements?
[Applicant]: Well if we are talking about hourly then 7 dollars an hour is good but if we mean yearly then I would like to be making 50 thousand a year.

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[Co-Worker]: How many moving violations have you had in the past 3 years?
[Applicant]: None, I have lived in the same place the whole time.

I'm okay with travel. I don't have any young children to tuck into bed at night. But my son's girlfriend, now I wouldn't mind tucking her in at night!! WINK!!

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I will transfer to Texas A&M in May 2005 then graduate in August 2005.

According to a MDV applicant:
It is against the law to pay a person with a Masters under $45-50K.
[I wish! Get me my Master!]