April 11th, 2006

(no subject)

So I'm standing at my locker, and there are these two freshman girls nearby who are talking about Lord of the Rings. Here's a transcript of their conversation - NO JOKE.

Freshie 1: Oh my god, Legolas is sooo hot!
Freshie 2: I know! I loved the movies! But the books were really boring...
Freshie 1: Wait...there were BOOKS?

This is the point where I started slamming my head against the locker.
Target
  • dzayde

Can I pay you with a McDonalds coupon too?

Part of my job is taking care of the mail we get in, I answer all of the letters and stuff like that. I also take care of all of the payments that come in, so all the mail in our office goes through my desk.

Just.. some of the letters people mail in just astounds me. Really. This one woman today mailed in a stolen gift certificate from ANOTHER company, and SENT ME THE OTHER COMPANIES ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER!
Uhm, duh of course I called them to tell them I had it, and they told me it was stolen.. lol!!! See, this woman was employed at this company, stole some gift certificates, and then wrote over the amounts on them to make them what our prices are, then mailed them to me to use as payment. WTF?
And the best part? She STILL works at the other company!!! I got ahold of her manager and we had a chat.. I faxed copies of everything, and am mailing them to them.. lol!!!

I just dont get people. My boss and I had a good laugh over that one.
  • maranz

Pedophilia

A few years ago in my journalism class, my friend was doing an article on online predators.

I was proofreading it for her, and came across a reference to pedophiles. I, being just a little bit clueless at times, said, "Pedophile? Isn't that someone who's like, obsessed with feet?"

See, I thought since bipedal=walks on two feet, pedophile=foot fetish.

She never let me live it down. Neither did the teacher. Or pretty much anyone who overheard. My reputation as a smart kid was trashed.
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    Bikini Kill / Rebel Girl
bia

Basic maths is so difficult

Overheard in cafe today

Girl: What's 10 times 5 ?
Friend: 50
Girl: Wait no, that's not what I mean. I mean what's 5 times 10?
Friend: 50
Girl: Er, how's that then?

Reminds of when my friend, who's actually not stupid at all, came to visit me in Germany and was having problems with the currency
Friend: So two 10 Euro notes make 20 Euros right ?
Me: Right
Friend: So if I want to buy something costing 20 Euros I can hand in two 10 Euro notes and that's alright?
Me: Yes , why wouldn't it be?
Friend: I thought they might not count the same here

It hurt worse than the tattoo...

I got a tattoo yesterday. It's Sanskrit for the word "Impermanence"--which is a key concept in Buddhist philosophy (I practice zen.)

Today I showed it to my Uncle Mark, who I swear IS NOT a blood relative.

Mark: "What language is that?"
Me: "It's Sanskrit. It's a classical language of India."
Mark: "Oh. So you have some Taliban bullshit tattooed on your arm?"
Me: "Um. Well first of all, India is an entirely different part of the world than the Middle East. Second of all..."
Mark: "Doesn't matter. It's not American, so it's all the same to me."

I might also mention this 25-year old father of two lives with my Grandparents and is struggling to hold down a job. At *WalMart.*
rock star?

alice, delancey, and myself

I have a friend. We'll call her... Alice.

Alice doesn't always say the smartest things. I love her, but she really doesn't think before she talks. She's the real life Karen Smith (mean girls)
Here's a few of my favorite Alice stories.

1.) I had lent alice my MP3 player, because it has a voice recorder that she needed for some project. When she came to return it to me a few days later, she said the following:

"I noticed you had a lot of music on it, but I couldn't figure out how to play it."
"umm.. alice... did you try headphones?"
"Ohh... cuz i just turned the volume all the way up and held it next to my ears! i was like 'why isn't it playing!?'"
"..."

(the girl has an iPod! i have a Dell DJ, but come on, it's not that confusing, is it?!?)

2.) (this story posted with permission)
This reminds me of a recent mts post...
Alice was in a class with a mutual friend of ours, and the friend, whom I'll call Delancey, was teasing Alice about, well, being dumb. Alice wrote out a sign that read as follows: (thanks for those that pointed out the name mix-up!)

"uff you"

realizing her mistake in trying to write "eff you", she pulls the sign back to correct it, and produces:

"uff yoi"

not fixing the original spelling error, but changing another letter... to a letter that still wouldn't fix the original problem.

3) I was talking about a kid i knew in high school who had a head the size of kansas, to which Alice replies "His parents probably didn't roll his head as a baby!"
To which delancey and i just stare at her.
"You know... how you have to roll a baby over a lot when he's sleeping, so his head isn't misformed!"
"Alice... what are you talking about? you don't roll babies."
"Yes you do!"
"no... you don't"
"But their heads will be misformed!!!"

about ten minutes later, she reveals that she had a cousin with a physical deformity, where his head had to be rolled, or else it would deform. But still... you'd think one would learn that it doesn't apply to everyone.

I'm sure in the three weeks i have left of school, i'll have more "alice" stories.
Asian girl

(no subject)

The recent LOTR entry reminded me of this incident, told to me by my friend:

Friend: So I was reading Lord of the Rings the other day....
Idiot: WHOA! They made a book out of Lord of the Rings?!

........

Insert mutual friend who learns of this.

Mutual friend: Hey! You're the kid who thought they made a book out of the movie Lord of the Rings, aren't you?
Idiot: Yeah...
Mutual friend: That's so stupid! Why would you even ask that?! That's like thinking they made a book out of Passion of the Christ!
Idiot: {completely serious, I don't know if he's capable of sarcasm} They did? When??
Look to the evening sky

(no subject)

Recently in my Government class we started the unit of Economics, and with that in mind we went over different types of Goods and Services, as well as Supply and Demand. While describing each specific type of Goods my teacher went up and down the rows asking each student to name a good that fit that description. Now, when we got to Elastic Goods (which are things like food with long shelf life) the teacher used the example of the Twinkie, which can be kept on the shelf for twenty years and still be edible. From the back of the room one my classmates, we'll call her S., interrupted to ask a question.

S.: Mrs. Jacobsen! What's a Twinkie!?
Class: *headdesk*

Granted, this is the same girl who thought that you could grow fish on trees earlier this year when we were discussing fish farms in China.
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Dresden Codak // Kim

(no subject)

During my last trip to England I visited the city of Bath. In the gift shop of the Roman Baths was a teenage girl and her parents. The girl walked over to the bookshop, picks up the Latin version of the first Harry Potter book and yells across the store "Look! They've even got Harry Potter in Hebrew!"
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