Infomercial... just flashed a phone number and url on the screen to buy their product. The voiceover said "call or click on the web address to order now!"
Click on the web address? With what? The TV remote!??!
My sister (16 and very, very blonde) and I are watching the news one sunny afternoon.
There's a blurb about riots in Paris, and it shows footage of the protesters getting sprayed with water cannons.
Newscaster: Police are controlling the crowd with water cannons and...
Sister: Wait, what are those??
Me: ...water cannons, like the guy just said.
Sister: No, I mean...what is it? Is it water?
Me: WATER. CANNONS. One of these words is important.
Sister: It's not fire? (I thought I misheard this, and that she was asking whether they were using fire hoses).
Me: Well, kinda like fire hoses, yeah. With the pressurised water.
Sister: No, fire. Look! *points to where mist is rising from the water stream, catching the sunlight and turning vaguely orange*
Me: o_O Yeah. They're setting the protesters on fire, Betty. That's what they do in France.
Sister: Well, it's okay, because they're spraying water too. So they're putting the fire out at the same time.
My boyfriend and I went out to dinner tonight and got the most retarded waitress.
I ordered broccoli cheese soup. She brought me vegetable beef and I told her I had asked for broccoli cheese. To which she said, "Oh, would you like to me to put some cheese on it for you?" Cheese on vegetable beef soup does not broccoli cheese make, dumbass. If you're out of the soup I want, tell me and I'll order something else!
She was also very confused by my boyfriend's request for no onions on his hamburger. Their conversation went something like this:
Danny, my stupid-hating boyfriend: "And no onions on that please."
Waitress: "No onions?"
Danny: "...No onions."
Waitress: "Okay, so that's no onions?"
Danny: "No onions."
Waitress: "No onions. Okay."
The burger came with onions. Needless to say, she got no tip.
Okay people, this post has ALREADY spurred flame wars elsewhere, as I x-posted it before the flaming began. I didn't tip the waitress because she was retarded enough to think that, if she put cheese on the veggie soup, it would become broccoli cheese. That was CLEARLY not a mistake on the kitchen's fault, but on her own. Any flames will be mocked.