Poking idiots in the eye since 2002

I was in my art class, and given that we're generally well-behaved in the class, our teacher let us put the radio on.

The presenters were discussing the new (correct me if I'm wrong) Shakira album, called 'Oral Fixation'. Now, I guess I can understand them not knowing what an oral fixation is and jumping to the conclusion that it's something lewd, but this next line takes the biscuit-
'Of course, since Shakira translates titles and stuff from Italian, they're not going to make sense. Is fixation even an English word?'

Hello PVC, may I introduce you to my lower jaw?

So, I went and visited the 'rents this past weekend. Friday night, I was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the evening paper and minding my own business, when *bum, bum BUM* my cell phone began to ring. I was surprised to see that the call was coming from my mother's cell, as she was in the next room over, watching TV. Thus, I answered with...

Me: Um...why are you calling me?
Mom: *deep, husky, menacing voice* Are you alone?
Me: *blink* What?
Mom: Are you alone?!
Me: ... Mom, you know how our phones have caller ID?
Mom: Yeah.
Me: So, um...I know that it's you.
Mom: *pause* Oh. *hangs up*

Ah, Mom -- brightest crayon in box you are not. But love you dearly, I do.