Me: One time When Chris and I were driving down here he was saying how I had so much knowledge of animals as I was spouting off a load of random facts. Then I told him a giraffe was actually a canine, and he believed me for a second, until I told him otherwise because I didn’t have the heart to make him look stupid for long!
Mum: Hahaha yeah, what are they going to eat? Birds? Their heads are too far up to eat anything else! Maybe monkeys in trees?
Me: Hang on….Do you know what a canine is?
Mum: ….Something that eats meat?
Me: Noooo! How am I supposed to make fun of stupidness with you when you say things like that? Dogs are canines….like cats are felines. Something that eats meat is a carnivore!
Mum: So giraffes eat dogs?
My husband and I were driving down I-80 in the morning and looked across the bay at San Francisco. Ordinarily you can see all the buildings very well, but that morning there were some low clouds and a marine layer so the city was a vague silhouette.
He says, "If it weren't for the haze it'd be real clear out today!"
I love the man, I really do. ;)
The post about the guy who added his typos to the spellcheck dictionary made me think of this.
An ex-cop friend of mine once arrested a gang enforcer for attempted murder. The nimrod he'd arrested was wearing a very special shirt, making it easy to spot him.
You see, he apparently wanted everyone to know that he was an enforcer, so he'd gone to a T-shirt shop and had a shirt made, announcing his, erm, vocation. (This in and of itself, to me, is an indicator of stupidity, but it gets better.)
The shirt read: "CHEIF ENFROCER."
My friend's theory was that the t-shirt shop person was too afraid to tell the guy he'd spelled both words incorrectly.
When I was in high school, I was blessed to have known a girl by the name of Kristen (name changed). She was really sweet underneath her cool, hipper-than-thou exterior, but luckily for us, she was also occasionally dumb as a post.
I had a few classes with this girl, so I know that absolutely nothing is lost in the translation of this tale. My best friend Emily was fortunate enough to be in the same science class one year as this girl. One day, Emily left her science class, tracked me down, and told me of the moment which had brightened her day:
The class had been discussing the age of the Earth, and how scientists have essentially agreed that it is at least four billion years old. A confused look came over Kristen's face, and she piped up: "But Mr Taylor, how can the Earth be over 4 billion years old if it's only the year 2001?"
Yesterday in my (college) theatre appreciation class we were discussing Oedipus Rex.
My professor asked the class how King Laius, Oedipus' father, was killed, and one overeager girl shouted out "Wasn't he killed in a car wreck?"
I don't know how she had missed the entire point of the book (murdering the father, marrying the mother and all that) to begin with, much less how she could possibly think they had cars back in ancient Greece.
In high school, I was in all AP/Honors classes, and there was one boy named Eddie in those classes with me. In our History AP class, we had to do presentations on WWII. This was Eddie's opening line in the presentation:
Eddie: So they had this treaty that they had to sign at Versailles(pronounced Ver-sail-lees)
Me: Eddie, it's pronounced Versailles!
Eddie: You know what, I'll say it in ENGLISH, and you can say it in some stupid foreign language!
A few mockings courtesy of my baby brother.
The brother and I were playing battleship this past Christmas day before the big pigout and I called my move
Brother: BULLSHIT! We just started. How the hell can you say you won? *throws a toddler styled hissy-fit*
Me: Letter I number one, dumbass! Quit acting like a three year old and tell me hit or miss.
The kid is nineteen years old!
Fast forward to Monday, March 20th, I get a phone call from my brother and he decided to have a little fun with me.
Brother: *in an ominous voice* Beware the Ides of March!
Me: Oh geez, Brother you are about 5 days too late.
Brother: I am? Are you sure? I thought it was before your birthday
Me: Yeah its on the 15th...wait did you say before my birthday?
Brother: Yeah its this Sunday right? Mar. 26th?
Me: NO! It was on the 12th, three days before the 15th!
Brother: Oh. Whoops.
He also taped three or four bullets to a can of lysol and then lit it on fire because he wanted to see what would happen to it. Our sister caught him and made him drop and get away from it.
Love him to death but, Jeebus.
Okay I work in retail, and I'm a head cashier, and I commonly get pulled to registers to push coupons through. Well before I push a coupon through I have to examine it to find out why our system wont take it.
This is the conversation between me and the cashier, while the costumer was standing there acting normal.
Me: This coupon has expired.
Cashier: It expires on March 31st 2005
cashier: Am I missing something here?
me: The year on the coupon is 2005, we are currently in the year 2006.
Yep, just another day in retail.
I go to a rather presdigious New England boarding school. One would think this would lower the incidence of stupidity.
Today as I was walking to lunch, I found myself behind two girls wearing (predictably) miniskirts and Ugg boots. One was wearing a sweater, the other wasn't.
Girl with sweater:Ohmigod! It's really, like, windy and cold out here! I thought it was supposed to be spring!
Shivering girl: Yeah! I should have worn a sweater! Now I'm going to get leukemia!
*Sweater girl looks confused*
Shivering girl: It's, you know, that thing with your lungs and their little broccoli things inside that you get when it's cold out... where they get all, like, liquidy or something!
I'm not sure what disturbed me more, the fact that she confused leukemia with pneumonia, or the fact that she sort of still knew what pneumonia was...