February 15th, 2006

Bingo the clowno


Her name is Cari. Now, before you laugh at the following, just be aware that I met her in college (no, this is Florida. It doesn't take much to get into college here, as you'll see). She was studying to be a nurse. I tell ya, if she hadn't eloped to marry her brother, she could have been YOUR nurse.
Yes, her brother.
But here's Cari-ism #1.

I had gone shooting one afternoon. Paper silhouette target. Took it home, taped it on my bedroom door. Cari came over.
"What kind of bullets did you use?"
"Huh? The gun is a 22. Small bullets for a 22, why?"
"But what kind of bullets go through the paper and not through the door?"

Cari-ism #2
We had gotten this nifty color hologram of Shakespeare. Had it framed in the living room and Cari came over.
"Hmmm, who's that? He looks familiar."
Thinking perhaps the picture wasn't very clear from where she was standing, "It's Shakespeare."
"Oh. I think I've heard of him."
See what I mean about a Florida education?

Cari-ism #3
Cari got a tattoo. Yes, she got a big friendly sun tattooed on her hip/belly. What's wrong with this picture? About a month later she got pregnant. That sun went supernova!

Cari-ism #4
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Pill Man

(no subject)

I was sitting in fifth period about 30 minutes before the bell was going to ring. I was minding my own business and this other classmate walks over and asks the guy behind me
"Hey did you come to school today?"
"No, I am a holograph"
"Oh, um, seriously though. Did you come to school today?"

fairy pic

(no subject)

sakurafae_ reminded me of this.

We were having a BBQ at a friend's house for high school graduation. Pop on ice, burgers on the grill, people in the pool. Good clean fun.

Our friend Dan, who is Jewish and whose family keeps Kosher (but not so strict that he couldn't cook non-Kosher), was put in charge of the grill. When the meat was almost ready, *Host* called out for how many people wanted cheese on their burgers. A few did, so *host* lay some processed cheese slices on top of theirs (as per normal cheeseburger assembly instructions where I come from).

Dan, being the trusty assistant, then took over the grill again, and flipped all the burgers one last time. ALL the burgers, including those with cheese.

Cue flames and shrieking by observers and Dan asking "What?! What did I do?!" while everyone else realizes Dan's never cooked a cheeseburger in his life and couldn't really be blamed...

But you have to wonder how he didn't think that one through...

Poison Phones!

OK….I will rarely post a tech call these days as I will save this stuff for my comic, but this one is right off the charts.

Coworker (referred to as CW from this point on) gets a call early this morning from a customer that wanted to complain about her VoIP service. She jumps right out and tells the CW that we put poison on her phone. CW doesn’t have a chance to get a word in at all and he even put her on speaker for a few seconds so the manager (and I) could hear. I heard her scream “Someone put MSG on my phone and I have grandkids! What about the welfare of my family!” and immediately I LOST it (good thing I wasn't on the phone). She went on for a good 5 minutes about how we were going to kill her and her family with MSG. After she got calmed down enough, it was explained to her that the MSG light that she was referring to on her phone was an indication that there was a MESSAGE on her answering machine and not a warning that her phone contained monosodium glutamate. I figured at that point the fun was over, but she went on another 5 minute rant screaming about how, not only were we trying to poison her, but we were lying to her as well. She did eventually hang up, but that was the most fun I’ve had listening to a customer since that drunk guy told me Crappy Cable was “the pyramid scheme of the smurfs”

Xposted to techsupport and my LJ
  • Current Mood
    confused confused
let's get cained

Walk The Line stupidity

I went to see "Walk The Line" yesterday in Dublin and overheard this conversation on the way in:

Young Man; *whining* But why do we have to see this one?
Young woman: Cos it's about Elvis' life! You know I love Elvis more than anything!

And this one on the way out (different people):

Young man: So, was Johnny Cash a real person then?
Young woman: I dunno
  • Current Music
    Kirsty MacColl - Innocence

(no subject)

"Most people, yes, including you, hate Hitler because they don't take the time to study the facts. It's the exact same thing with George Bush, a lot of people will say they hate him just because everybody else says it, although they haven't picked out any individual reasons why."

So the Holocaust isn't fact enough to hate him, then?
  • Current Mood
    distressed disturbed