Poking idiots in the eye since 2002

As incredible as this may be to believe, until three days ago my 26 year old mother-of-two sister honestly believed that women urinated from their clitorises.

Yeah.

She really, really did.

The lesson for today: Do not get a tattoo from a door-to-door tattoo salesman!
http://www.thekansascitychannel.com/news/6447791/detail.html?subid=22100413&qs=1;bp=t

My mother is a very intelligent woman who occasionally has her moments (like the time I convinced her Singing in the Rain was about Nazi Germany).

So, the internet at my college has been down all weekend. I had told my mother that it was down via text message on Friday, but we haven't really talked much all weekend after that.

Apparently the French club at my old high school is going to see Beauty and the Beast on Broadway, and has a couple of extra tickets that she wanted to know if she should reserve for me. So she sends me about three e-mails about it (doesn't call me, mind you), and in each one she comments "I guess the internet is still down, so I'll send you it again." Till finally in the last e-mail she asks: "When will your Internet be fixed?" o_O

So, my sister Laura had a friend over a our house a day ago. We were all bored, so we started watching Power Rangers Dino Thunder. We watched it for a while, laughing at how awesomely cheesy it all was, and when it was over, the credits began to roll. There was a section in the credits that said, 'Canadian Cast Chosen by', and it had some guy's name that I can't remember.

Anyway, the friend that was spending the night at our house just had to open her mouth. This is how the conversation went:

Friend: Wow, they have Canadian actors on this show?!
Sister: Yeah. They have actors from New Zealand too. 'Cause that's where the show is filmed.
Me: Yeah. Finding housing for the American actors must really suck.
Friend: But...it must be really expensive to get the actors here! Canada is really far away from the United States...
Me: Right. ....did you not get the part where Laura said that the show was filmed in New Zealand?
Friend: Oh. Well... that's closer to America then Canada, at least.



No, we don't have any Canadian neighbors! The U.S. is connected to Australia!

Gah, some people need to staple world maps to their foreheads.

Was catching up on some old posts on here when I was reminded of something
that happened in high school.

Our geography class was divided into two groups, the first half had the
class before my group did. It happened that we had to choose a country to do a
project on and no one could have the same country.

Of course the first group took all the obvious countries and when it came
time for my group to choose one girl shouted out that she wanted
California. o_o

The teacher tried to explain that California is not a country on it's own
being part of the USA and someone from the first group took the USA.

So she decided she wanted Florida instead. o_O

The teacher once again had to explain that Florida too was part of the
USA.

She sat there for a minute trying desperately to think then
said
"But I want a country with Disneyland in it!"

Most of you guys probably won't remember this, it was a long time ago. I'm the one with the roommate that kept repeatedly bumping her car into the curb and was perplexed why she couldn't go forward.

I bring you another gem from her. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death. But sometimes....


Roommate: Hey, come here real quick. I need your biology and english expertise for something. I need you to explain a word to me.
Me: Ok?
Roommate: (pronouncing it out) my-so-geneticist. What's that?
Me: Say, WHAT?!
Roommate: A my-so-geneticist. I'm chatting with someone on AIM and that's what they said. Is it someone who works only with labrats or something?
Me: I think I need to see this is context (tries to peer at her laptop screen)
Roommate: *slams laptop screen down* I don't want you to read the conversation...
Me: I have to see it in context, or I don't know.
Roommate: Ok... *shows me the conversation*
Friend had typed: "Is it possible for a chick to be a misogynist? Because I think I am"
Me: *laughing* That's misogynist. It basically means someone who hates women.
Roommate: ...someone who hates women? You mean, like, a lesbian?
Me: o.O


I had to leave the room. I tried, but I could not see how she came to that conclusion.

Department of Backstory: My family is Russian on my dad's side. We also have some Bohemian and Czech sprinkled in. We own a bakery that's been in our family since 1919, which is somewhat popular in our area. The bakery has our name. Our name, while many couldn't pinpoint which eastern european ethnicity it is (actually, we don't even know for sure if it IS Russian, or if it's Ukrainian), wouldn't confuse it with other European name (not polish, or anything, even).

Real conversation with a man I waited on.

Me: (pointing out different pastires) And here we have Russian kolachi, and bohemian pastry. The recipies for these, as well as our Bohemian bulkie, have been in our family for generations, brought over from the old country.
Man: Oh... so is your family German?

Some part of me died inside. I ended up selling him a gooey butter cake and doughnuts instead.

***

We have a big sign right by our cash register that reads, "CASH ONLY. ABSOLUTELY no checks and no cards of any kind." Several people have been upset by this (Even asking if we'll take their credit card as an exception... umm... we don't HAVE a credit card machine you dolt), but that's not the point.

I had one woman read the entire sign aloud, and then look up and say to me, "Cash only? Do you take checks?"

When I explained no, we only took cash, she tried to give me her debit card, insisting it counted as cash. She eventually paid for her 5 dollar purchase with a twenty.